


The magic realm

by Rona23



Series: Merlin´s  magic [48]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Arthur Finds Out About Merlin's Magic (Merlin), Episode: s05e12 The Diamond of the Day, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Learning Magic, Magic Loss, Magic Realm, Magic Revealed, Magical Dimension, Merlin (TV) Season/Series 05, Merlin's Magic Revealed (Merlin), POV Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), POV Merlin (Merlin), Pre-Battle of Camlann (Merlin), Protective Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Protective Merlin, Rewrite
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-24
Updated: 2021-02-23
Packaged: 2021-03-16 11:27:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 36,198
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28955700
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rona23/pseuds/Rona23
Summary: To save Camelot and their destiny, Arthur and Merlin travel to the magical realm to learn how to use magic.But, they have to be careful.  Weapon - and magicless - they have to not only learn magic. They have to find their way back home as well.And what awaits.... is Camlann.
Relationships: Gaius & Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Gaius & Merlin (Merlin), Merlin & Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Merlin & Arthur Pendragon (Merlin) & magical creatures
Series: Merlin´s  magic [48]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1588378
Comments: 111
Kudos: 62





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> A.N.:// So, I'm trying some world building for this one :)  
> The art was made specifically for this fic. It's kinda how I imagine the setting of the first place they see in the magical realm :)  
> If you zoom in, you may spot Merlin and Arthur there XD
> 
> Also, I don't think this will contain romance. As I'm currently not planning on it. But it will explore Merlin's and Arthur's friendship and can probably be read as more.  
> The story has yet to tell me what it wants to be. :3

There is a common misunderstanding about snakes. One that it caused by their shiny appearance, the smoothness of their skin and the bright reflection of the sun within the scales of their body.  
They are slithering creatures.  
And people often assume they are slimy as well.  
Nothing could be further from the truth. Their skin feels warm and dry. Smooth in one direction, rough when you go against the aligned scales.

Morgana was a fan of snakes. All her favorite creatures had scales and long necks.  
Be it the Fermorrah, a truly horrendous creature that could control the mind of it's victim; the Nathair, a tiny snake that upon persuasion could cause the greatest of pains; or even a dragon. The very last of it's kind.  
Snakes were Morgana's trade mark. She loved them. They loved her back. And if Morgana ever met Medusa, well, let's just say that meeting is worth exploring.  
But not now. Maybe another time.

However, if Merlin ever expected to be attacked by Morgana, he would have expected yet another kind of snake. Not something slimy.  
Now that Mordred had run away from Camelot and formed an alliance with her, Merlin HAD to expect an attack sooner or later.  
After all, Mordred knew who Emrys was.

Slugs were the last kind of creatures Merlin expected. 'It could have been a toad', he thought later on. 'At least it would have been ironic.' Like the fact that the one time, Merlin was actually having FUN, was actually not running around Arthur's back to save him from certain doom, the one time he was actually at the TAVERN and DRUNK, he got caught of guard.  
And he insulted Arthur enough as a toad to find this funny. Maybe it was just him.

Had he not been drunk from spending all night gambling with the king, he would have noticed that Gaius was unconscious, upon entering his chambers. But he was positively wasted. And that's the very reason he lost his magic.  
'I'll never drink again.', had never been such a desperate trail of thought.

Of course, only mere hours later, reports came in about Morgana attacking. And Arthur decided to hold the battle in Camlann, instead of merely defending the citadel in Camelot.  
Camlann. The place that was foretold to be the place where Arthur would die. The Cartha had sacrificed his own and his pupil's life to give Merlin this information.  
Merlin was rightfully panicking. Because now Camlann was upon them and he wasn't just unprepared, he was barely functional right now.

“I HAVE to get my magic back!”, Merlin was pacing in Gaius's chambers. “There is no other way. I HAVE to get it back.”

“Merlin, I cannot restore it. This is beyond my power.”  
“It's beyond anyone's power.”, Merlin agreed, desperate and frustrated. He was heaving and pacing. His limbs, his muscles agitated and tense.  
He needed to move. The stress was working him up to the point where it was painful.  
“Is there really no other way?”, Merlin let his limbs fall, exasperatedly.  
Gaius opened his mouth to response.

Of course that was the very moment the door opened without a knock.  
Merlin's eyes widened for just a second. Then he stood still, concealing his fears, his emotions, everything. As he had long taught himself to.  
It was a reflex by now.

Arthur Pendragon stood in the frames of Gaius's chambers. Wearing simple black pants and a cream white shirt. Yet appearing as kingly as ever, with his blond hair and the stern expression that was marked by years of fighting evil.  
And painted with loss of loved ones, and the burden of mistakes and decisions he had made to create the Albion they knew of today.  
It had been a long journey. And every stone in their way had left a shadow in the angular face of the once and future king.

“Gaius, I need to speak with you.”

Gaius looked up and send Merlin a worried glance. Worried, because they had just discussed Merlin's magic behind closed doors.  
Merlin, however, was not worried at all. Arthur was oblivious to everything he did. There was no reason to assume Arthur had suddenly learned to overhear their not so secret talks that could eventually lead them to the pyre.  
Not that Merlin hadn't been at that point before.

Arthur's eyes flickered to Merlin. “Alone.”, he added.

Merlin frowned. This.... was new. Arthur hardly ever send Merlin out of the room. Especially when it was a serious conversation.

Merlin shared a look with Gaius. “What are you planning?”, Merlin asked and saw Arthur looking away. Stressed as well. Probably as stressed as Merlin felt.  
After all, Morgana's fleet was huge. They outnumbered Camelot's forces by far. It was Arthur's duty to protect Camelot. And the burden of this knowledge was readable in the defensive posture he carried. Readable only by those who knew him best.  
Solely his eyes showed his true emotions. They were always directed elsewhere. As Arthur was unable to look his people in the eyes, when he felt uncertain about himself.

“Nothing that concerns you. Leave us.”, Arthur's voice was decided and authoritative. It was the kind of tone that left no room for arguments.  
Merlin shared another glance with Gaius, then headed for his room. There was no point in talking back.  
Also, Merlin knew Arthur as well.

“And no eavesdropping!”, Arthur added loudly, knowing precisely why Merlin wasn't arguing against him.  
Merlin rolled his eyes.  
They both knew he would definitely eavesdrop. What was even the point?

Maybe Arthur just wanted him to leave the room and pretend like he didn't know what they were saying. Maybe he wanted to force Merlin to be quiet about what he heard and silence his comments and remarks at the same time.  
It wasn't that Merlin could hear them that Arthur was frightened of. It was his opinion.

And so, Merlin positioned himself in his room, right behind the door and listened. The cracked wooden door did almost nothing to conceal Arthur's and Gaius's conversation.

“Gaius, I need your advice.”  
“Always, Sire.”, Gaius tilted his head. He was sitting on a chair. Too old to be standing up for too long. His long robes made him look wise. As did his long white hair. It had grown extremely long over the past couple of years.

“Do you think, you could reach the Dolma again? In time I mean?”  
Gaius sat up straighter. “Sire?”  
“I'm no fool, Gaius. Morgana is strong. It's not just her army that outnumbers us. She has magic. She is powerful. We cannot fight against that. No matter how good my men are.  
I've fought enough sorcerer's to know that.  
The Dolma was powerful enough to call a goddess to save Gwen, when Morgana brainwashed her.  
Can you call her? Can she fight? WOULD she fight for us?  
I'd give her thousands of dresses, if that's what she wants.”

Gaius stared at him. Then shook his head. “I can't.”  
Arthur let his shoulders sack in frustration. “If she'd help us, I'd -”, he trailed of, desperate for any kind of help. “I'd legalize magic. I'd be fine, if you called Dragoon. Please Gaius, we need all the help we can get.”

“I'm afraid there is nothing I can do, Sire.”, Gaius sounded pained.  
Arthur looked away and began to pace now, as Merlin had done earlier. Arthur ran a hand over his face, as thought that could take the stress away. It didn't.

Merlin stood behind the door and closed his eyes. Trying to calm down the shivers that ran all over his body.  
Of course. Of course Arthur would try to find help anywhere he could. Of course now. Now that Merlin was of no help to him anymore.

“Is there a possibility that my men and I could -”, Arthur took a deep breath.  
“Are there some simple spells we could learn? On our way to Camlann? Small ones? To protect us. To... I don't know... ward of spells or something?”

Gaius paused. “You want to learn magic?”  
Arthur let his head fall and licked his lips. “I'm sorry. I should have known it's not possible. If it was, Morgana would have taught her troops by now.”

Gaius looked at him. As did Merlin through a small crack in the wooden door. He was holding his breath.

“Actually – there is a way.”

Merlin's mind went blank and Arthur stopped pacing.  
“There is?”

Gaius shuffled in his seat. “It's -”, he blinked, than stood up to search for some old tomb in his library of books. Honestly, there were so many books about magic in this library, how on earth was Gaius never arrested for possessing them?  
They should have been burned during the purge. How did Uther never question where Gaius's knowledge came from? Seriously.

It was a giant book that Gaius slammed on the table. In the dim light of a candle, he flickered through the pages, as though he knew exactly where to search.  
“When I was still a boy, I heard of a ceremony that was supposed to train the priestesses in their magic. It's how they become so powerful.  
I have no doubt this is how Morgana became this strong as well.”

Arthur blinked and stepped closer to read over Gaius's shoulder.

“The ceremony can take place everywhere. And it can be performed by everyone whose life has been touched by magic. But it's difficult. To do this, you have to have a strong bond with magic.  
Not everyone can do it.”

“What do I have to do?”, Arthur asked, and sounded like his mind was made up.  
'I have been enchanted before. I should be able to do this, right?', he thought to himself.  
Gaius finger trailed on the page, before he looked up again.  
“Sire, you must travel to the magical realm.”

Arthur's shoulders slacked. “We don't have time for that.”, he closed his eyes.

“Quite the opposite, my lord.”, Gaius insisted.  
“The magical realm is parallel to ours. It's a different dimension. But time itself flows different there.  
Lifetimes in the magical realm is but a few seconds in this one.”  
Arthur's eyes opened warily, as though he couldn't believe what Gaius was saying.

“So we'd have enough time to -”

“To learn magic worth months, if not years, yes.”

“How can I get there?”, Arthur sounded almost desperate.  
“You -”, Gaius started, then stopped himself. The door creaked open and Merlin stepped back in.

“Gaius -”, he said and Gaius nodded.  
“Merlin, didn't I tell you to stay out of this?”, Arthur sounded nervous, as though he expected Merlin to shout at him.

“I'm coming with you.”, Merlin said decidedly. His face blank and stern. And Arthur's worry changed into disbelieve.  
Truth be told, ever since Arthur had asked Merlin for advice during the time with the disir and Merlin had said: 'there can be no place for magic in Camelot', Arthur had felt... conflicted.

Merlin had advised him against magic once and then – to help Gwen regain her senses – he had set those emotions aside and helped him find the Dolma.  
Only to be captured by her and held as ransom. Arthur didn't know why Merlin would set aside such strong feelings about magic for him and Gwen.  
He didn't want to make Merlin feel used or betrayed. But here he was, accepting Arthur's decision once again without question.  
Ready to face his own fears and his own distrust for magic.

“I don't think that's possible, Merlin. Your life has to have been touched by magic.”, Arthur pointed out.  
Merlin gave him a strange look.  
He didn't say anything. His expression said it all.  
Arthur's eyes widened slightly. But he didn't dare ask. He merely nodded and urged Gaius to continue.

\--------------------------------------------

Gaius painted a circle on the ground of his chambers. Rune marks of all kinds and all languages drawn beside it with ashes.  
Arthur felt sick at the sight, because the ashes belonged to remains of burned sorcerer's. Gaius had gathered them. Why and for what purpose, Arthur didn't dare ask.  
It was probably the same reason why Merlin looked so repulsed as well.

“The difficult part about this is not to enter the magical realm.”, Gaius finally began.  
“It is to come back. Many who have tried this, failed and never returned.”

It was quiet for a second.

“Sire, you cannot go into the magical realm armed. It is a sacred place.”, Gaius warned Arthur and Arthur paled, before taking the sword he always carried around to place it on the desk.  
He made the mistake once, to enter a sacred place armed and paid a heavy price for it.  
The favor of the triple goddess turned against him and Mordred almost died.  
Now that Arthur knew that Mordred was not only a sorcerer but also a traitor, he wished he had let him die that day.  
He had been warned then too, of the sacred traditions. This time he would heed the warning. He wouldn't question it. The old religion was frightening like that.

Gaius nodded satisfied and continued.  
“The magical realm is dangerous. It is plastered with creatures of all kinds. If you appear hostile or scared, they will devour you.  
You have to be friendly and kind to them.”

“We will be defenseless.”, Arthur paled even further.

“Yes.”, Gaius agreed. “Which is why I would not advice you to do this, if the situation wasn't dire.”  
He said this, but he continued to take oils and ran them around the rune symbols.

“Itt is said that those souls who are humble and kind, will be able to shape the magical world to their own will. No harm will come to them. And they can learn magic from all the creatures living there. However, not everyone who returns will know to use magic in our realm.”

Arthur looked up confused. “So, it may be a complete waste of time?”  
Gaius looked at him and sighed.  
“No, it won't.”, he shook his head. “If you are one of those humble souls, you will return with new senses. You will notice the magic that seeps from the other realm in this one. And you will be able to feel the life within every creature.  
Even if you don't gain access to use magic in our realm.

The magic of this world will try and protect you. Attacks on you will be weaker.  
And you will heal much faster, should you get hurt.  
Nature will become your friend.

If you aren't such a person and harm a single creature within the realm, everything in this world will turn against you.

If you were a sorcerer who attacks the magical creatures, you can even loose your powers.  
You can either be trapped in the magical world or return and loose a part of yourself.

If you are a sorcerer and embrace the magic, however, you will return stronger than ever. You life will be bound to magic. So much that your life will be sustained, even when harmed with mortal wounds.”

Arthur blinked. “That sounds.....”, he swallowed.

Gaius sighed and looked at Merlin. Who send Gaius a questioning glance.  
Gaius knew his ward enough to know that Merlin was asking if he could regain his magic powers there.  
Gaius nodded at him and Merlin braced himself with new found hope and determination.

“The secret how to gain magic in this realm was always regarded as one of the most sacred of secrets. The high priestesses guarded this knowledge with their lives.  
You have one chance to figure it out. Only one. No one can enter the magical realm twice. And those who die or don't find their way back, will be lost forever. You HAVE to be careful.”

Merlin nodded seriously.

“Now then. Step into the circle.”, Gaius said and looked at the inscriptions of the tomb again, to make sure he made no mistake in painting it. Arthur and Merlin shared a look. Then, Merlin stepped into the circle.  
“Gaius, are you sure there is no other way?”

Gaius looked at him, pained. “This is the only way I know of.”, he said as Arthur stepped into the circle as well now. His shoulder bumping with Merlin's, as the circle was barely big enough to hold them both.  
They were careful not to smudge any of the runes that they had to step on.

“How do we get back?”

“The same way you got there. With magic.”, Gaius nodded. Arthur stared at him.

Arthur blinked. “I thought, you were too old to use magic?” At this point it was not a question of whether they would be able to use magic to get back. As Gaius said, if everything went well, they would be able to use it there.  
But in this world? Right now it sounded like they needed a sorcerer.

“I have forgotten a lot. And my powers are definitely not as grand as they used to be.  
But the spell is simple. Even I can do it.”  
Gaius nodded slowly. It was merely a lowering of his head really, but Arthur understood.

“And we can get back, if we learn magic there?”, Arthur asked, just to be sure and Gaius smiled.  
“If you do as I told you to, the magical realm will send you a guide that gets you home when the time comes. When you return, you won't be a second older than the moment you stepped into the other world, no matter how long you've been there. ”

Arthur swallowed, fully bracing himself.  
“Alright.”, he said and send Gaius a reassuring glance that they were, indeed, ready.

Then Gaius picked up the Candle from the table and walked around them.

“Kiarlic entriòs gatricen essat. Semplear Anòs!...” (1)  
His voice was low and hoarse. Slow and his tone accentuated every edge in every word. Accentuation was key with everything magic related and Gaius was a strict person when it came to these things. He rolled the 'r's' and 'l's' and verbally kicked the 'c's' and 'k's'.  
He hissed the 's'ss and spat out the 't's'. And then he threw the candle into the oily circle.

Arthur's eyes bulged in shock and he was about to jump out the circle, when he felt an arm holding him back.

The magic circle burst into flames. High they reached into the air. Sparks encircles them and burned their sight.  
And then everything went black.

The roof above them disappeared, and dissolved into the night sky. The room was replaced by a giant circle, not unlike the one they stood on. But much bigger. Marked by rune stones, instead of ashes. The same markings Gaius had painted on the ground carved into the rocks.

The fire dissipated without ever touching them. No heat had radiated from it.

It was gone and dark, before Arthur's eyes could blink away the whiteness in his sight that came from the sudden light burning into his senses.

He could hear screeching in the distance and growling near by.  
His heart rate picked up. Every danger and alarm system in his body forcing him to look around in the unfamiliar place.  
His flight or fight instinct taking over.  
He grabbed for Merlin's arm and howled him behind the nearest rock.

It was cold, wherever they were. Cold and quiet and wet and dark. It smelled like salt and the wind send shivers down his spine.

“Ssh!”, he hissed into Merlin's ear, who looked equally startled. However, more by Arthur's sudden reaction than the noise around them.  
Now, Merlin was an easily frightened man. But he was no coward. No matter how often Arthur joked he was.  
So of course, Arthur had to make sure the fool wouldn't run head first into danger. To.... well.... protect Arthur. Even if Merlin hadn't registered their danger yet.

There was another growling noise behind them and Arthur's head snapped around.

Not far of the rune circle was a forest. But the trees were huge. Like mountains, not like the smaller ones Arthur was used to.  
He didn't recognize those leafs either. Even from afar, he could see lines within the giant leafs. They looked painterly, not at all natural.

From the darkness, glowing yellow eyes looked at them. The wind picked up and when Arthur looked to the other side, he could see a giant lake or …. sea. The distinction was difficult by looking at the size alone  
If it were calm, it would have reflected the stars from the sky. But it was rough and sharp and foreboding.

“What are these things?”, Arthur whispered and tried to get a better look at the creatures in the woods. They weren't coming closer.  
They were waiting.

Waiting – for what?

“Arthur.”, Merlin shoved his hand away. “I think there is a barrier around the rune circle.”

Arthur blinked, then he looked up.  
It was true. Nothing grew within the circle. Not even moss grew on the rocks inside. It was only earth and dirt.  
In a perfect line, around the circle, grass and ranks grew up on.... something.  
Something invisible.

“That thing must be made of magic. It's holding back those... things.”, Arthur nodded at the glowing eyes.

Merlin was heaving heavily, before nudging Arthur down by the sleeve.  
“Gaius said, we are not supposed to fear them. Don't be hostile. Be kind. Treat them.... like people. Don't anger them.”

“How are we supposed NOT to fear them?”  
“I don't know. Just... try. Arthur, Gaius said, they won't harm us, if we trust them. So, there is nothing to fear.”

“Merlin, there are hundred's of glowing eyes, staring RIGHT at us. They are waiting for us to make a wrong move.”

“They sense our fear. They're waiting what we will do.”

Arthur gave him a strange look. Then, with a heavy heart, he rose to his feet and walked towards the border or the barrier.

'Be confident. Merlin is right.', he told himself in his mind, not that he'd ever admit it.  
Then he reached out his hand to touch the barrier.  
He felt.... nothing. No hindrance. It didn't waver upon his touch. It was like walking through simple wind.

He gave Merlin a sign to stay back. Then he reached for his sword, only tor realize how unprotected and vulnerable he was. Then he took a deep breath and stepped through the barrier.

It was, like he had pulled a trigger. The yellow eyes began to move , but they still didn't approach him. Whispers reached his ears, but he couldn't understand what they were saying.  
It all sounded like the language Morgana used to cast spells. But nothing around them was happening.

And then.... a tiny creature walked forwards. It stumbled and fell on it's face. Head and limps separating from it's body, before it shook and reattached itself.  
Arthur's eyes widened and he could no longer hold back his fear. This creature just.... fell apart.  
It had a tiny head that looked like moss grew on it. It had black dots for eyes and leafs for arms.

“Hegrònell!”, it made a noise and Arthur practically jumped out of his skin.  
The creature tilted it's head.

“What did you say?”, Arthur asked and tried to conceal his emotions.  
The creature blinked. Each dot individually, before it tilted it's head.  
“You don't speak our language.”, it said in perfect English. A bit of a scolding tone underlined it's childish voice.

Arthur shook his head.  
“And you're scared. Why are you scared, Arthur Pendragon?”, it asked. Arthur stepped back a little.  
“Don't be. We mean you no harm.”, it smiled. It had no teeth and no tongue and reminded Arthur a little of a sock puppet. Just... more cute and less creepy than the one's Morgana used to make.

“I'm not scared.”, Arthur lied.  
“You are. You're not alone, are you? Who is your friend?”, it asked and curiously looked over Arthur's shoulder.

Arthur turned around, to see Merlin standing behind the barrier.  
Merlin nodded at Arthur, then he as well, stepped through it.  
The creature gasped. As though only now it were able to see the servant. And recognized him.  
Since it seemed to know who Arthur was, maybe it shouldn't be that surprising.  
But the other creatures also seemed to shuffle at the sight of Merlin. Even though Arthur could barely make out their silhouettes, he knew that the sight of his servant shocked them more than his own.

“Oh dear.”, the leaf child clapped it's limps in front of it's mouth, before running over to Merlin.  
Merlin looked taken aback, but knelt down to be able to talk to the creature on eye level.  
“What happened to you?”, it asked, as if in pain and than ran a leaf over Merlin's cheekbone.

Merlin frowned.

Arthur mirrored his expression, then scanned his servant. There was... nothing out of the ordinary? He seemed much the same as yesterday?  
OHHH, the creature probably sensed Merlin's hangover. Of course. A night at the tavern. That MUST be the reason.

“I'm fine.”, Merlin said curiously, but the creature regarded him with empathy.

“You're not.”, the creature said knowingly. “I know why you're here. Follow us.”  
With that it hopped around and walked back towards the forest.  
Why did it seem like the creature was talking to Merlin and not Arthur?  
Arthur blinked and rubbed his left arm. Only to hold on to something, because his sword was still amiss.

“Where are we going?”, Arthur shouted after it, without moving from the spot.  
Gaius said they should trust these things. But how could they? He couldn't help but be wary.  
Why would they help them in the first place?

“You want to learn magic, do you not?”, the creature asked and only it's head turned towards him.

Arthur gulped, then nodded.

“Then let us help you. Friends of Emrys are also our friends.”

Arthur turned his head towards Merlin, who seemed startled by the name. “Who is Emrys?”, he asked. But Merlin didn't answer.  
“I guess, we'll find out.”, he swallowed.

“Can we trust them?”, Arthur asked. Because Merlin seemed to have a sixth sense for such things.  
“I don't think we have a choice.”, Merlin argued.

Arthur nodded seriously. With one last look towards the rune circle, he squared his shoulders and walked forwards into the unknown.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think I had to rewrite this chapter like... 5 times. And I'm still not too happy with it.  
> But I finally know where I'm going.... kind of.  
> I hope.
> 
> I also made a little Character drawing for Tanus. It is the first design I made for them. It's not a 100 % how imagined them. But if you have trouble imagining them, there is a small guide.

There was something strangely off about those creatures. Sure, they seemed tall and dangerous with their yellow eyes, but that wasn't Arthur's concern.  
He couldn't SEE them is what alarmed him and kept him on edge. Yes, he could see the tiny moss ball, but that was just adding to his confusion.  
The other creatures? They were close, almost at his very heel, and yet he couldn't tell what they looked like. How tall they were. What form they had.  
It was like they were made purely of shadows.

Merlin walked next to Arthur. Close, like he was waiting for an arrow aimed in Arthur's direction and planned to jump in front of it.  
At the same time, Arthur could only hear his own steps. Everything around them was quiet. And it was almost upsetting how quiet Merlin could move as well.  
Since when was Merlin so quiet? It was almost graceful.  
Merlin was anything but graceful.  
The man was terrible at stealth. How on earth did he manage to evade all those leafs and sticks to break, like they did under Arthur's leather boots?

Arthur actually had a lot of questions he could ask Merlin. Like.... when had he been touched by magic to the point he could be send into the magic realm?  
Or, why the creature was concerned about him. Like, why did it care about Merlin?

The tiny moss ball was hopping in front of them. Only now did Arthur notice that it was wearing something. Some kind of rags that were draped over it's shoulder and held by a simple button.  
Other than that, it had a stick in it's hand – leaf - thingy.

“Say, what was your name again?”, Merlin asked all of a sudden and Arthur almost stumbled over the next root he was supposed to step over.  
The moss ball turned it's head. Again, without stopping to walk. Fully around, detached from it's body, like they didn't have to be together all the time, but were anyway.  
“I'm Tanus. It's an honor to meet you, my lord.”, they said and saluted. (2)

Arthur paused in his mind. Those creatures must have their information wrong. ARTHUR was the king, not Merlin. Addressing his servant as a lord would be hilarious, if Arthur wasn't so goddamn paranoid at all those eyes watching them.

Merlin chuckled nervously. “Pleasure to meet you, Tanus.”, his eyes flickered to Arthur.  
“But I'm no lord. Call me Merlin. You should call HIM Lord. This is Arthur Pendragon. The once and future king.”

The moss ball stopped and Merlin almost stumbled over them. But Tanus jumped into Arthur's general space, up and down. Their body turning around to him as well now, before the tiny staff suddenly grew in size.  
Tanus hopped on to it's twigs to distance themselves from the ground. And therefore be eye level with the current king of Camelot.  
Arthur leaned back as Tanus leaned forward. somehow the now branch they were sitting on didn't fall over, defying gravity as though it meant nothing to them.

Than they reached out a leaf to touch Arthur's face. They tilted their head and then.....  
They laughed. A full on belly laughter echoed in the forest, or were it the creatures that chimed in?  
Arthur pressed his mouth shut, feeling offended for some reason. Still more terrified than angry.

“What is there to laugh about?”, Merlin asked, eyes narrowed as he crossed his arms offensively.  
“Merlin, don't be hostile, you heard Gaius's warnings.”, Arthur hissed back, but the moss ball hopped on their branch to face Merlin again.  
“He looks funny for a king.”, Tanus grinned, not at all mean, just amused.

“How so?”, Merlin asked, his arms loosing, as he watched Arthur from the corner of his eyes, as if to determine what Tanus was referring to.

“Well, he looks like a burdened man.”, Tanus tilted their head.

“How is that funny?”, Arthur frowned.  
“Well, because you're not.”, Tanus said, as though it was obvious.

Arthur frowned, trying to keep himself from getting angry.  
“I'll have you know, I've made many decisions for Camelot that were not easy. I cannot expect you to understand what it's like to have the burden of an entire kingdom on your shoulders.  
But I have lost and suffered more than you could ever imagine.”, Arthur tried to explain calmly.  
But Tanus blinked, then they laughed again. This time, actually falling off their branch. Their body parts detached from each other until they were meters apart.

“Oh wow, Reighley will absolutely LOVE you. You're hilarious.”, Tanus hummed, before jumping back on their feet. Which looked horrendous, the way their limps hopped off each other, only to reattach themselves.

“Literally HOW is that funny to you?”, Arthur's rage slightly grew and the creature seemed to sense it, because they turned around slightly and calmly.  
Arthur knew he was repeating himself, but this was unfair.

“I've had to kill people. I have seen my friends die, because of decisions I've made!”, Arthur was a proud man. Usually, he could swallow it down, because he had learned a lesson in humility. But sometimes, like in front of bandits and sorcerer's and in this case, magical creatures, his pride shone through. Who were THEY to tell him about his hardships?  
This …. THING …. was being insolent and ignorant of all the struggles he had faced to even get here.

“I've gone against my own father, multiple times. I have almost died for my kingdom more than once! I've come here, despite my own regards against magic to seek help from my worst enemy. I've sacrificed more for my kingdom than you know.”  
Arthur's glare fell on Merlin and then loosened in confusion.  
“Just a minute ago you were fumbling over MERlin, because of a hangover!”, Arthur said incredulously, making Merlin frown in shock. But the moment he pointed at his servant, the creatures branch slapped his hand away.

With a hiss, Arthur drew it back. A red line pulsated on his palm. So much for not harming them, Gaius, huh?  
The creature glared at him, branch still held out to him and a protective stance proved where his priorities lay.

“You, Arthur Pendragon, don't even know what pain is.”, they said tiredly and calm and their eyes flashed golden with emotions. Arthur's eyes widened and he stepped back.

“You pride yourself with decisions you never made by yourself. You pride yourself with accomplishments that aren't yours and you hurt over crimes that were your father's.  
And the burden of the kingdom? You share it with others. You listen to your friends and your men and because of that, the decisions are not fully your own. They never were.  
I do not condemn that, I respect it, even admire it. But you never bore the full burden of that responsibility. You bear even less than you know.

You defied your father, but when did it truly matter? When you became king, his words held no meaning anymore.  
What you've been through, was easy, Arthur Pendragon.

You feel not the pain of Emrys. Who has lost love and family to you and your orders. Who suffers for every life that he's had to take and that has been taken because of him.  
Who bears your guilt as if it were his own, because he could have stopped you. Emrys has not only almost died, but actually lain his life multiple times just to save yours.  
Which he could only do, because he is no mortal man.  
He has made decisions for you and you alone and you can't even imagine the consequences he and therefore we have to pay for it.  
We – this realm-”, Tanus didn't sound accusing, just sad, as they tapped their branch against the next tree.

“Feel every life of every magical creature and ever sorcerer you've ever taken. Do not lecture me on the weight of your burdens, because this world takes the very brunt of your decisions and the decisions of your father and all those who came before that deemed us unworthy of living.  
You may hurt over the guilt, but WE bare the consequences. Where Emrys not on your side, we would have devoured you the moment you stepped through the barrier.”

Tanus pointed their staff around. They looked regretful for being so mean to Arthur. But not remorseful. “Tell me, can you even see us?” They pointed at the dark invisible shadows that Arthur felt unable to make out. Their tone high but hostile.

Arthur stared at the tiny creature in shock. Slightly terrified, if he was honest. “I can see.... you.”, he deflected honestly.  
“HOW do you see us?”, Tanus branch shrank to it's original size. They sounded pained and... sad.

Arthur frowned. “Big... shadows?”

Tanus' looked down. Merlin's eyes widened in confusion, but he still wasn't saying anything.  
“What?”, Arthur asked confused, but Tanus shook their head  
“What you see in us, is a reflection of how you see magic. Of how much you know about it.”, Tanus gripped the staff tighter.

Arthur blinked. “You mean I can't see you properly, because I don't know anything about magic?”  
Tanus tilted their head but nodded.  
Arthur straightened and turned around, to fully take it in. What did he know? How much did he know about magic?  
He saw nothing but golden eyes swarming within the darkness of the forest. Was that really all he knew?

“But …. if everything here is magic – And I can't see magic here.”, Arthur swallowed and dreaded the answer. “Why can I see the forest? Why can I see you?”, he turned towards Tanus who smiled empathetically.  
“You're used to some forms of magic.”, Tanus explained and braced a hand over the forest floor. Beneath their hands, flowers sprouted from the ground.

“Nature is but one of them. You've listened to it. And you understand it.”, Tanus explained.  
“That's why you can see it.”

With that they turned around.  
“And why can I see you?”, Arthur pointed out and made Tanus turn their head once again.

“Why indeed.”, they said curiously. “Maybe there is some hope left.”, they said. And then their head hopped around once again and they walked forwards.

Arthur took a deep breath and looked at Merlin. Irritated beyond believe.

“What the hell?”, Arthur mumbled.  
“What do YOU see?”, Arthur asked Merlin, who knew more about magic than Arthur did. Simply, because Gaius had taught him about the old religion. Merlin opened his mouth, before looking around. His eyes seemed to settle on something. On multiple somethings.  
“I see -”, Merlin inhaled deeply. Something about these creatures seemed to unsettle him.  
He looked down.  
“I can't describe them. It's more like... a feeling.”

Arthur frowned. “A feeling?”, Arthur asked in confusion. “Those funny feelings of yours again?”  
Merlin shook his head.  
Only now did Arthur see how tense Merlin was. How he shuddered every time he looked around. As if everything he saw, he could also feel himself.

“What feeling?”, he pressed.  
“All of them.”, Merlin bit his lips together.  
They quivered, even though he tried to be calm and stern. Which he did extremely well. But Arthur saw it, because he tried to pay attention.  
Before, he hadn't. He had been too occupied by the shadows around them.

“What do you think it means?”, Arthur asked and flailed his arms.  
Honestly, the last time Arthur had seen Merlin this upset, he had asked whether he should let magic come back to Camelot … or let Mordred die.

“Are you coming?”, Tanus asked, their head tilted at them once again. They looked so kind. It was hard to picture them hurt and enraged. But behind that joyful smile, Arthur could see pain.  
“What about them?”, Arthur asked and pointed at Tanus.

Merlin looked at Tanus. Then he actually shook his head. “Shadow.”, Merlin mumbled and turned his head.  
“You see TANUS as a shadow?”, Arthur asked, confused.  
“That makes no sense, I can see them. Why can't you?”

“Maybe you know one thing about magic that I don't.”, Merlin said and inhaled a deep breath.  
Arthur blinked a couple of times.  
Then he shook it off. “I guess.... that's what Gaius meant by learning about magic, huh?”, he said quietly and then followed Tanus further into the woods.  
It was getting darker once again.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------

There was a bird on top of a throne.

Arthur thought, he should know better by now. Everything related to magic was strange.  
Take Tanus as an example. The tiny thing was hopping around being joy itself, and yet tell Arthur they faced worse than slaughter.  
And now they had crowned a bird in the middle of ruins that were, apparently, their castle.

The place was overgrown with vines and grass. Time does not care about the beauty of construction.

“Hello Reighley. How're you doing?”, Tanus asked the bird, overly chipper and humorous. Though there was nothing funny about their situation.

The bird tilted it's head. Giant yellow eyes staring at Merlin and Arthur.  
It was a falcon. Somehow, Arthur felt there was a joke there that he didn't get.

“Are you sure this is Rayleigh? It looks like.... a normal bird?”, Arthur asked but bit his lip right after.  
Tanus looked at Arthur.  
“I want to make one thing clear, Arthur Pendragon. Reighley here, is the strongest and most fearsome creature in this entire realm.  
You should respect her.”

Arthur blinked in confusion. That bird was the strongest of them all? If that were true, then Arthur wouldn't be afraid of dragon's, for god's sake. That tiny moss ball didn't know what they were talking about, seriously.  
Although, small victory, Arthur could see her.

“Now now, Tanus.”, the falcon opened her beak and hopped up, eyes glinting in Arthur's direction.  
“Arthur is our guest, be kind.”, somehow she looked like she was smiling at him. Scanning every part of Arthur.  
All while Merlin eyed her warily.  
“You look well. You're alive. Unharmed.”, she said as an observation. She had the voice of an old wise woman for some reason.  
Then her eyes rested on Arthur's hand, which was still red from the slap he had received earlier.

“TANUS!”, she screeched, scandalized. her wings widening so suddenly, Arthur flinched back, bumping into Merlin, who was also staring at her.

“You can see her, right? It's a falcon.”, Arthur whispered to Merlin, trying to downplay his little yelp.  
Merlin nodded, slowly, barely noticeable. But noticeable indeed. He didn't even comment on the fact that Arthur had almost knocked him over, while bumping into him. He didn't demand an apology and that was very unusual for his usually noisy servant.

There was a sudden wind around them, leafs rattling among the ruins, as the falcon turned on it's heel and instead of the bird, a woman now stood before them.  
She looked old and wise. Her hair was white, her skin just a shade darker. But her eyes were as yellow and piercing as before. Her mouth looked sharp and witty as well.  
And the dress she wore looked like the wings she shed of only a second ago.  
Her own feathers decorated the long mantle that was now waving behind her.  
And the crown on her head was surrounded by a magical glow. It – too – had grown in size. She was thin, but you could see that she was muscular through the tight sleeves of her dress.  
She could be described as a stylish 50 year old woman who looked young enough to be considered 35.

“How DARE you hurt him?!”, she rushed over to Arthur, furious beyond believe, and took his hand in hers to inspect it.  
She ripped of a feather from her dress and bound it around the – not even hurting, mind you - “wound” on Arthur's hand. Arthur blinked, as the feather stuck to his skin. A moment later, she snapped her finger and the feather dissolved into Arthur's skin.  
The red stripe was gone. As if it had never been there.  
It was astonishing, and yet absolutely unnecessary.

“Are you okay?”, she asked, concern written all over her face.  
Arthur blinked rapidly and gently took his hand back. “I'm fine.”

Tanus crossed their arms. “He was mean to Merlin.”, they said and nodded at the servant in question, who flinched a little as he was addressed.

Completely opposite to Tanus' rant mere minutes ago, the lady completely waved their comment off.  
“Merlin has faced worse.”

Arthur huffed in disbelieve. “Seriously, I'm not a maiden in distress. I've had my fair share of hardships!”, he argued. Which made Rayleigh look sad all of a sudden.  
“Oh I know dear.”, she said, her eyes gathering with tears, as she placed a gentle hand on Arthur's face. Arthur gaped. Was she actually serious?

“I think this is enough.”, Merlin finally said and stepped between them, protectively shielding Arthur. Seriously, what was it with everyone suddenly treating Arthur like he couldn't even dress himself.  
….  
Okay fair point.

“Oh my.”, Rayleigh laughed, but watched Merlin's every movement, as though he could hurt Arthur any second. But the more she looked, the more worried she appeared to be.  
“My lord, it is an honor to finally meet you.”, she bowed to him, suddenly serious. “I did not mean to offend you. Though I must say, your condition is... frightening.”  
She had BOWED! And now she looked overly concerned. Earlier, she had seemed ignorant of Merlin. But just like Tanus, the moment they met them, she looked into his eyes and saw something that Arthur was completely oblivious to.

Merlin tensed, but let out a relieved breath, knowing that these creatures weren't interested in harming them. If only Arthur could be that confident.

Arthur felt lost among these shadows. They must have hit their heads- They really needed to stop talking such nonsense. Or calling Merlin a lord. Or like he was hurt in any way. It was irritating beyond believe.

“Can you..... Could you please stop calling my servant a lord? It's irritating.”, he voiced as much.

Rayleigh blinked at Arthur. “If his grace is fine with that?”, she asked with courtesy.  
Merlin coughed. “I'm Merlin. I'm a servant. Please regard me as nothing else.”  
Rayleigh smiled. “Alright. But I'll have you know, there are many among us, who will not be satisfied to referring to you beneath your status.  
Servant or not, you are well respected in these land's, Merlin.”

She smiled, upon calling Merlin by his normal name.  
Arthur frowned.  
“Why is that?”

Rayleigh turned to him. Her head tilting, a perfect impression of the bird she had been mere moments ago.

“Arthur Pendragon, you are here to learn magic, are you not?”, she seemed to deflect.

Arthur startled in surprise. “Yes?”, he asked. How did she know that?

“Good.”, she smiled. “The more you learn, the more you will see.”  
“Yes, I understand THAT. We were talking about MERlin, remember?!”  
“Merlin sees.”, she insisted.

Arthur frowned. “He …. sees?”, he raised an eyebrow that would of made Gaius proud.

“You know what I mean.”, she smiled widely and Arthur turned his head to look at Merlin.  
Merlin who looked away. Who had always acted against magic.  
Who didn't know anything about....  
Arthur paused his mind. Wait a second.

Once upon a time, Arthur had asked Merlin, how he knew the cave of the disir was sacred. And Merlin had answered like it was obvious.

'Every tree, every leaf, everything is so full of life. Like everything is so much more than itself.'

Gaius had said, when Arthur managed to get magic on his side in this realm, he would return with new senses. That he would be able to feel the magic around him.  
Did Merlin have these senses? Had he been here before and somehow acquired them? But Gaius also said you can only enter this place once.  
So that was out of the question.  
But Merlin had survived an awful lot of situations, almost completely unharmed. If it was true and magic was protecting him for whatsoever reason...  
Then that would explain why he always survived. Where his funny feelings came from. How he had known that the place of the disir was sacred.

But it made no sense. Merlin had advised Arthur AGAINST magic multiple times. Why would magic be ON his side?

Rayleigh forced Arthur out of his mind by another snap of her fingers.  
“Well then. Now, that you've finally found me, it is time to start your lessons in magic. Shall we?”, she asked and waved her hand at the ruins.

Arthur blinked himself awake. “Just like that?”, he asked. His own disbelieve more than evident in his voice.

“Many people have come here to our realm to learn magic, Arthur. This place is designed for it.  
When you entered the circle of the chosen ones, Tanus and I were called to be your guide.  
I will be your guide, Tanus will tend to Merlin.”

“You're saying, you waited for us?”, Arthur asked, confused.

“Of course we have. Though we didn't know that WE would be gifted with the honor to tend to Merlin himself and the once and future king.”

“I have a question.”, Merlin finally said and looked down at Tanus, as he hugged himself tightly.  
“What if I can't see my own guard?”

Tanus looked up, eyes widening in shock. “You can't see me?”, they asked, voice high and shaken.  
“But.... I -”

Rayleigh stopped, so once again, Arthur had to ignore that she had just referred to Merlin as someone honorable again.  
As much as Arthur appreciated Merlin's bravery and the fact that he was a really good adviser, THIS level of appreciation was a bit much. Wasn't it?

“But -”, Rayleigh as well seemed at a loss for words.

“What is the problem? Just switch your roles then. Tanus will be my guide and you will be Merlin's.”, Arthur shrugged, though he felt a little caught of guard, knowing that the apparently most powerful creature in this land was tending to Merlin as his guide.  
Then again, Merlin was clumsy and was useless with a sword (though he had gotten better over the years). Surely, he needed a strong guide more than Arthur did.

Tanus was disappointed. “I wanted to guide Merlin.”, they said sadly. “He can't even see me.”  
They looked down, ashamed and strangely offended.  
“It was... it would have been THE greatest honor. Instead I'm getting HIM?”, they pointed at Arthur, as though that was the offensive part.

Arthur covered his face. “Are you serious?”, he muttered to himself.  
At this point, he kind of got why Tanus was so mad. Arthur too, would rather have Rayleigh as a guide. She seemed protective at least. And wasn't insulting him half the time.

Rayleigh seemed just as disappointed, as she scanned Merlin with her yellow eyes.  
Merlin stared at the ground, averting his guilt ridden eyes. “Sorry.”, he said quietly.  
“It's fine, love. It's not your fault.  
Maybe we should all rest. Tanus and I have to rethink our strategies, I suppose. We should start tomorrow.”

Arthur fidgeted in his stance. Sure, Gaius had said that merely a few seconds would pass that they were here, but could he know for sure?  
“I'd rather have this done sooner than later.”, he argued.

“Learning magic can take years, Arthur Pendragon. One day won't change that.”

Arthur's shoulders dropped.

“Don't worry. You can die at Camlann soon enough.”, Tanus rolled their eyes. Making both Merlin and Arthur flinch.  
“I'm not planning to die there.”  
Tanus sighed heavily. The disappointment of the day evident on their shoulders.  
“That is for destiny to decide. Not you. Your death has been foreseen. YOU can't change it.  
Merlin here, might.”

Arthur opened his mouth to say something, but Rayleigh was already waving her arms at the ruins and before them, the broken facade fell. Another barrier dissolved into thin air and a giant castle appeared out of nowhere.  
Arthur's jaw dropped. “Now, come on in. You shall eat and drink to your heart's consent.  
Tomorrow, we train.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (2) Now, I turned from using “it” to using “they/them” pronouns, because Tanus now got a name. Tanus is Agender, because their kind doesn't have genders. That's just who they are.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually based this story on the picture in this chapter. I just didn't feel right posting it before Rayleigh was introduced though.  
> The falcon in this picture is obviously a Merlin.  
> And.... spoiler: I am planning to make Merlin learn to be a bird. Because that's the foundation of this story.  
> I do not know, how on earth it took this big of a turn. ......  
> Well.
> 
> Edit: I just wanted to paint Arthur's room as well.... so I added the scene at the end. Casually. Cause.... why not

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
The food in the magic realm was quite confusing, in Arthur's opinion. They had red apples that were so red that they might as well have been painted in one solid color and didn't taste like apples at all.  
There were fruits and vegetables he had never seen before.  
There were nuts the size of a small ball and nearly unbreakable. Arthur didn't know how to eat all that.  
And he wasn't referring to the quantity of food.  
When he finally gave up trying to eat anything that was handed to him and asked for meat, he was almost glared to death by Rayleigh.

Despite the monstrosity that was this castle, Arthur saw no one here. It was surprisingly empty. No servants, no royals. Nothing.  
Just the four of them. And Merlin was being so awfully quiet that Arthur wanted to smack him on the head.

Maybe, the castle wasn't actually empty. Arthur saw shadows lurking around. But so far, he couldn't see a single one of them. Well.... apart from their golden eyes. Their bodies blended in to the walls. Into the shadow beneath his own feet. Under the table, under his chair.

Speaking of golden eyes. Tanus' eyes weren't golden at all. In fact, they were the only creature here without golden eyes.

Arthur tapped on the table and tried to ignore the way Merlin was following his every move with his eyes.  
If Merlin already had those senses, and these people adored him, was it possible that Merlin could already use magic in this realm?  
So far, they hadn't tried. Maybe he could. He should be able to, after everything Gaius had told them.

So, Arthur decided to ask him.  
After the meal, they were lead through stone corridors that were illuminated by magically glowing blobs of light.  
They had a bluish hue to them. And when Arthur looked closer, he could see golden eyes and a smirking mouth grinning at him.  
“What.... what are they?”, Arthur asked, upon walking by them.  
He could hear them giggle. And he wondered, how it was that he could see them.

“Those -”, Rayleigh smiled and halted in her steps, so Arthur had the chance to inspect them further. Merlin as way, looked at them curiously. Tanus just tapped the ground with their foot. Their foot... which was made of largely oversized grass and didn't look like a foot at all.  
How they could tap with it was a mystery that Arthur did not care to solve.

“- are kantliz. I suppose you can see them?”

“Would I be able to see anything, were they shadows to me?”, Arthur asked and tried to nudge at it.  
It gave way, like pudding. Just sturdier.  
It laughed at Arthur and then grabbed for his finger with it's mouth. Arthur pulled his hand away and wiped the glowing saliva off of his finger. It laughed again.

“You could still see, don't worry. But it's a good sign that they aren't shadows to you. They are considered the guides for lost wanderers. They exist in your world too. They capture the moon light and spread it all over the world.  
That you can see them means that you know that magic can be trusted to show you the right path. That is a wonderful start, Arthur.”, she smiled at him.

Arthur blinked. Then frowned. “I don't want to be weird about this, but magic has always misguided me. I don't think I trust it enough to see these... creatures.”  
Arthur stepped back and crossed his arms.  
Rayleigh looked at him, waiting, as if she knew Arthur would have a revelation soon.  
And then, Arthur remembered.  
“The light orb in the cave.”, Arthur muttered to himself.

Merlin straightened behind him. “What orb?”  
Arthur turned his head to him. He opened his mouth, then closed it, then shook his head at his own cowardice of voicing affection and then he revealed:  
“Do you remember, when you drank poison for me?”

Merlin nodded slowly. Not sure what to think of this.  
“Gaius send me to this... cave, where I was supposed to find a cure for the poison. There, Nimueh tried to kill me, by shoving me of a cliff. I managed to get out, before the spiders would get me.  
But I wouldn't have made it, if it wasn't for that magic light thing that appeared out of nowhere. I thought there would be a sorcerer waiting for me outside the cave, but there was no one.  
No one attacked me, no one asked for a thank you.  
It was just... gone. I never found out what happened.”

Merlin stared at him. “You risked your life to save mine?”  
It was quiet for one second.  
“That's what you're focusing on?”, Arthur sputtered with disbelieve. Merlin couldn't be serious, right? He KNEW that Arthur would risk almost anything for him, right? (Almost, because Arthur was downplaying the truth.)  
He KNEW that Arthur went day and night searching for him, when Merlin disappeared that one time, until they found him in the bog.  
Merlin was covered with mud and dirt and Arthur had still hugged him. Neck. Deep. Alright!  
Certainly Merlin KNEW that Arthur cared, right?  
RIGHT?

“Just saying...”, Merlin's mouth twitched into a grin. “Didn't think you cared.”

He MUST be kidding.  
Arthur stared at him, then shook his head again. And walked forwards, as a signal that he was ready to go to his room.

\---------------------------------------------------------------

Merlin and Arthur were given separate rooms. I know, I know. That's rare in fanfiction.  
But they were in a giant castle designed for visitors. You really think they'd have only one guest room? Better yet, only one bed?  
I gotta say, that is very optimistic, but also very foolish of you. No offense.(3)

But, as it so was, their rooms were placed right next to each other.

Merlin simply waved goodbye to Arthur, when Rayleigh opened the door for him.  
Tanus looked less excited.  
Was Arthur imagining it or were their leaf arms wilting a bit? Maybe it was the light.

Tanus used their staff to open the door next to Merlin's with little to no trouble at all. And Arthur – albeit reluctantly – entered his room by following the tiny creature inside.

The first thing Arthur noticed, was that the place was covered in book shelves. In fact, there were so many books, Arthur wondered for a moment, if they had accidentally entered a small library. If there wasn't the giant bed at the other side of the room.  
The bed was about the same size as his own bed back in Camelot. But it had no curtains around it. It was just plain and wide with white pillows and sheets.

Right over it's head was a giant window. The full moon practically illuminated the sheets and painted the entire room in a bluish light. It almost made him miss the glowing kantliz that were sleeping on the pillows.

They had their eyes closed. Just as small as the one's in the hallway, they were the size of a small fist.  
Arthur could hear them snore.

“What are these books?”, Arthur turned his head away from them, because they were awfully cute. And king's shouldn't find magical creatures cute. Especially not kings who had outlawed magic.

“Spell books, history books. Everything about magic, really.”, Tanus said and moved forward. They still looked kind of sour. And sad.  
Arthur didn't recognize any of them. Then again, magic books were forbidden in Camelot too. They had been burned as much as the people who possessed them.

The blue light made the moss on their head shine bluish as well. An illustration of their mood.

“Why are you so angry at me?”, Arthur finally asked. “Is it really that bad to be my guide?”

“You don't understand.”, Tanus sighed and shook their head, before jumping on to the bed and shoving the magical light blobs off the pillows.  
“Being a magic guide is an honor to any of us magical creatures. The fact alone that I am a guide at all, is – overwhelming.”, they did not look overwhelmed, as they sat down at the edge of Arthur's bed. In fact, they appeared ashamed, if anything at all.

“Guide's are chosen for specific people. For people we share a certain connection with. Because we have something in common. Something that defines us.  
I know what the Pendragon blood line has done to my people. Being YOUR guide -”, Tanus stopped and shook their head.  
“I was so psyched to be Merlin's guide. I thought it was obvious that he was my ward, because I have dedicated my life protecting him. Then again... I suppose many of us have.”, they said, their eyes dropping towards the wooden floor.

Arthur eyed them warily. “Well, I'm personally not sure what I could possibly have in common with a moss ball.” He left out the question how on earth Tanus had been protecting Merlin. Or anyone else for that matter.

“Definitely not your intelligence, that's for sure.”, Tanus easily gave back.  
“I know, mine is strictly superior.”, Arthur smirked, trying to humor Tanus.

Nope. Arthur was not imagining it, their leafs were wilting. He could see it, the way they turned brownish under the light. They did not look amused by the comeback.

“You're mean. You're not at all sensitive. You think you're so much better than anyone else. You're the very stereotype of a bully.”, Tanus added and now the moss was darkening as well.

“I don't even know what you are.”, Arthur stopped their rant. “I don't even know what you creatures are supposed to be. I expected griffins and dragons in this realm. Not talking leafs and birds and shadows.”

Tanus paused. Then they sighed. They took a deep breath and their wilting reduced to a minimum. So much, that the green returned.  
“We are creatures of magic.”, they began, making Arthur force himself not to roll his eyes at that obvious explanation. “We represent forms and feelings that magic can or will be. Take the Kantliz as an example. They represent guidance.  
Rayleigh on the other hand is the very personification of protection.”

“Protection?”, Arthur frowned. “You said earlier, she was the strongest of them all. I hardly ever saw magic protecting someone!”

“Magic is primarily used to protect. Magic shields, healing, saving lives... that is the very nature of magic. That's why she's so strong. People have always used magic to protect. That intent is what she was born of.”  
Arthur blinked at that explanation.

“Then … what are you?”

Tanus looked up, almost ashamed. “I don't know yet.”, they looked down once again.

“How do you not know what you are?”, Arthur asked, confused.  
“We -”, Tanus paused to take a breath. “Magical creatures of this realm are much older than your kind could ever dream to be.  
I may be a couple hundred years old by your definition of time, but in here...  
I am young. I'm basically a child. Which is also, why it was such a surprise, when the circle of the chosen ones called for me.”

Arthur stared down at them. He pressed his lips together and looked out the window to stare at the moon for a moment. Was he imagining it or did this moon look like a giant snoring Kantliz?  
“So.... the intent that you were born from ...”

“It's rather new. Yes. Though I do suppose I existed in a smaller form before. I just can't remember it.”

Arthur nodded slowly.  
“I have a question.”, he finally said, wondering if Tanus would give him the answer by themselves.

“I imagine you have many.”, Tanus grinned mischievously. Their eyes suddenly glistening with red.

“Why are you so obsessed with Merlin.”

Tanus stared at Arthur like he had grown a second head. Which, in this realm, meant their expression didn't change at all.  
“It's not obsession. It's admiration. You wouldn't understand. You've got a pompous head that is so full of yourself and your accomplishments that you don't even notice the worth of those who surround you.  
Merlin has done so much more for you than you know and he has never asked for credit.”

“What exactly has he done?”, Arthur tried to remain calm. He knew, dismissing these creatures and their opinion wouldn't give him answers to what they THOUGHT Merlin was.  
And Arthur really wanted to know.

“You should ask him yourself.”, Tanus jumped to their feet, successfully detaching their limbs once again, before picking them up again and slowly walking out the door. They used their staff to open the door and soon they were gone.

Arthur couldn't even find the words to shout after them, as the door suddenly opened and Merlin walked in.  
He didn't knock. Of course not, Merlin never knocked.  
But he opened the door gently, as though he was scared to startle Arthur.

“Hey.”, Merlin said, nervously and entered.  
Arthur send one glance towards the book shelf, then he walked over to his bed and let himself fall on it.  
The mattress was surprisingly bouncy. So much, that the kantliz who had been jumping back on the pillows were once again catapulted off of the bed.

Merlin blinked at the sight, then he turned around to close the door.

“Aren't you supposed to sleep?”, Arthur asked, slightly surprised to see his servant.  
Only slightly, because he knew Merlin was here to do his job.  
“I'm your servant, aren't I?”, Merlin chuckled nervously, therefore confirming Arthur's expectation.

“I do suppose in this realm, you are apparently much more than that. Did you know that these magical creatures like you so much?  
I mean, I suppose it explains a lot.”

“What do you mean?”, Merlin asked, straightening his back, as though he knew exactly what Arthur meant.  
“I mean, you – coming on hunts with me and the knights – basically defenseless. You survived poisoning, bandits, all kinds of magical attacks without a scratch.  
You have those funny feelings and stuff and you always seem to know the right paths and sense when a place is magical.”, Arthur shrugged.

Merlin opened his mouth, then closed it again.

“Say, doesn't that mean, you can use magic in this realm? I'd love to see you try.”, Arthur grinned and pointed at the book shelf, as though to invite Merlin to try it.  
Merlin froze at that.  
“Sire...”, he started, but Arthur shook his head.  
“Come on, Merlin. I know you didn't have magic in Camelot. I would have known. But you have the senses, these creatures love you. You can use magic here. Come on, try it.”

Merlin honest to god started to shiver.

Arthur blinked in confusion.

“Arthur, I -”, Merlin began, but swallowed it down, before he went and stared at the book titles.  
At one point, he took one out and searched through what seemed like a spell book.  
Then he took one of the plant pots that stood randomly in the room (and Arthur hadn't even noticed in this room) and held his hand over it.

His interest suddenly piqued, Arthur stood up and walked over, to see Merlin do this up close.

Merlin hesitated and took a deep breath, before shaking off his nerves. He closed his eyes and said:  
“Blosdme.”  
Arthur looked at the pot with anticipation, waiting for something, or anything to happen.  
Instead, Merlin hissed and stumbled backwards. He held his head, like it was exploding.  
“Shit shit shit...”, Merlin cursed, until his back hid the next wall. He slid to the ground on it, heaving heavily.  
He had his eyes closed, but tried to blink them open. In between, Arthur could see his eyes flickering golden. But not like with other sorcerer's. A striking red burned at the edges and the flickering didn't stop.

“Merlin!”, Arthur felt a lump grow in his chest, as he rushed to Merlin's side to check on his pulse.  
Merlin was running a fever. He was sweating and hissing at the pain.  
“Shit, Merlin. I'm sorry. I didn't think. Here, wait...”, Arthur hesitated, then he realized he didn't exactly have a choice and picked his servant up. He lifted him up to lay him down on the bed.

“I'm so sorry. I should have known... I -”, Arthur was beginning to panic. He wanted to call for help, but Merlin had just been corrupted by doing exactly what he had come here to learn for. There was no way in hell he would call for help now. Especially not those magical creatures.

Merlin grabbed for Arthur's wrist. A knowing and apologetic look in his eyes.  
“Arthur -”, he said and took another breath, which apparently helped him calm down. His eyes were already turning back to blue and when Arthur checked again, Merlin was much colder again.  
Who had a fever for only a few seconds?

“Merlin.”, Arthur bit his lip, though he could himself relax with relief.

“I was born with it.”

Arthur frowned in confusion. “With what? A fever?”

“Magic.”, Merlin closed his eyes to prepare himself for the rage that Arthur was bound to send his way.  
Instead, Arthur stared at him.  
“Don't be stupid, Merlin.”

Merlin opened his eyes. He seemed pained. There were tears gathering in his eyes. “I'm sorry. I -”

“Merlin, you JUST got HURT, trying to use magic. Trust me, you're fine.”  
There was a strange sound coming from the distance.

Merlin shook his head. “This Emrys they are talking about -”

“The guy this realm belongs to? What about him?”

“Arthur, it's me. I – am Emrys!”

Arthur paused and scoffed. Then he shook his head. “Merlin!”, he tried again, to talk sense into his servant, but Merlin's gaze intensified.

“Morgana found out who I am. And send a creature that sucked out all my magic. That's! Why I'm sick. It's not the fault of magic or anyone whose here. It's not your fault. It's mine. I let my guard down.  
I should have told you, I'm sorry.”, Merlin closed his eyes again and leaned back.  
Waiting. Waiting for what?

Arthur leaned back, confusion written all over his face.  
“Merlin – that can't be true. I would know!”, he insisted, but Merlin clenched his hands around Arthur's blanket.

“Why would you even -”, Arthur began confused, but Merlin grabbed for his arm to bring his attention back to Merlin.

“Arthur, I use my magic for you. And only ever, for you. Understand?  
I didn't come here to help you learn magic, I came here to get my magic back. I cannot defeat Morgana without it. And she knew that. That's why she did it.”

Arthur let his hands fall. “Wh-”, Arthur opened his mouth once again, then closed it. Suddenly feeling completely powerless.  
“Merlin, even if you have magic, you could never -”

“I am Dragoon.”, Merlin suddenly said, catching Arthur off guard immediately. Once again, he was rendered speechless.  
“I am the Dolma.”, Merlin paused.  
“I am the one who defeated Nimueh. And Cornelius Sigan. And the immortal armies.”  
Merlin paused after each sentence. Arthur slowly got to his feet and backed away.  
“I was the one who forged Excalibur in a Dragon's breath. It is the only weapon that can truly defeat Morgana.  
I was the sorcerer in Ealdor. I am Balinor's son and the last Dragon lord.”, Merlin shook his head painfully upon seeing Arthur's terror increasing on his features.

The rushing sound grew louder.

“You've tricked me into coming here.”, Arthur knew, upon saying this, that he was wrong.  
He knew that that's not who Merlin was. Merlin wasn't the bragging type, he wasn't manipulative.  
All he had ever done was support Arthur and do his best to help him.  
This... this betrayal, sounded so wrong. So fake. Merlin must be lying. Merlin had advised Arthur against magic! If he had magic, why would he do something so stupid?  
He shook his head, his mind rattling from the new information.

“Arthur I swear. I came here to help you. I never -”, Merlin reached for him, but Arthur stepped back a little.  
He shouldn't feel this way. He shouldn't feel so hurt over this ridiculous confession.  
“You've lied to me. All this time.”, he swallowed and finally his back hit the wall. Why did he believe him?

Something flashed over Merlin's face. And with it, Arthur could feel something else.  
A rumbling, and something akin to a crack beneath his feet. The rushing was now so loud that Arthur could hardly ignore it anymore.

What kind of agenda was Merlin following? Then again, Arthur couldn't imagine Merlin having an agenda.

“Arthur, you came here to learn magic yourself. You HAVE to understand! Please!”

Arthur wanted to shout at him. Oh god, Merlin wasn't lying. He really did have magic. But Arthur could feel something else creeping up his spine. Emotion's that he knew weren't his own.

Arthur shivered from Merlin's pain. He felt it shaking this entire realm.  
His eyes widened as he looked out the window in shock.

Wasn't that exactly what Tanus had said? Everything in this world responded to Emrys. Every decision Arthur ever made, every magical creature he ever hurt, it went directly through Emrys.  
Through magic itself.  
Merlin was Emrys. He just confirmed it. THIS just confirmed it. For the first time ever, Arthur could feel the brunt of his actions. Dust fell from the ceiling from the intensity if this emotion.

Pain. Regret. He could see it.

Outside the window, where the barrier began, water crashed against it.  
'The sea -', Arthur's mind unhelpfully explained. It was right over them. It was like the moon had suddenly disappeared, the masses of water flooding right over the glowing orb.  
Arthur could see shadows within the ocean. Golden eyes staring ahead at him, as if to blame him for what was happening.  
And they were right.  
This WAS Arthur's fault. All of a sudden,Arthur understood why this castle was hidden by a barrier. They did this to prevent their home to be crushed by Merlin's emotions.

THIS was how Merlin felt? Right now? Every time Arthur did something against magic?  
Was this.... COULD this be true?  
Arthur turned back to Merlin. Who hadn't even noticed what was happening. His eyes were dwelling with tears.  
Arthur grabbed for the wall to steady himself.  
Arthur had said it himself. Questioned it before. Why was magic on Merlin's side, if he had advised Arthur against it?

Why would Merlin neglect himself, hurt himself so much and betray himself like this? But wasn't that exactly something that Merlin would do?  
The Merlin Arthur knew was selfless, caring and kind. With no self preservation. Did he still know him?

“Why did you never tell me?”, Arthur asked, instead of raging. Instead of giving in to his own hatred and fear.  
“I couldn't bear to loose you.”, Merlin said and finally a tear fell down.

Arthur hesitated. 'Then why would you mark yourself my enemy.', Arthur thought, but he didn't say it.

He believed him. He had always believed him. Even when he denied Merlin's ridiculous advise sometimes, deep down he knew Merlin was always being honest.  
Now that he could see and feel what Merlin was going through, he didn't have it in him to change that trust.

He closed his eyes for another moment, then he pushed himself off the wall and sat down on the bed again.  
Merlin send him a questioning glance. Fearsome, yet also hopeful in a way.  
Arthur didn't wait to explain himself or wait for an explanation of Merlin, he went in for the hug they both needed.

Almost instantly, the worrying pressure on the castle dissipated. And the waves subsided. Back into the lake, Arthur assumed. But he could see the destruction it left behind through the windows. Trees were bend over, shadows awoke pained and choking in the distance. Though, he imagined this part more than he saw it. The shadows were too small to hear from here.  
The moon flickered tiredly at them.

Arthur didn't startle, when the door suddenly opened again and a ranting Tanus stormed inside. “I LEAVE YOU ALONE FOR ONE SECOND, WHAT IN EMRYS' NAME DID YOU-”  
Merlin buried his head deeper into Arthur's shoulder, while Arthur tried to calm him down. He ignored the moss ball. He had more important things to worry about.

Tanus stopped themselves upon seeing them.  
Arthur didn't know how long they stood there. But he knew that they left eventually. Realizing that their input was uncalled for.

They spend the night like that. Merlin fell asleep about an hour into his crying sobbing self.  
Arthur must have nodded off somewhere later.  
All he remembers is that he woke up the next day, draped over Merlin's legs. His side hurt and a bundle of kantliz, now dark blue, snoring on his side.  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (3) Only defense. Please don't hurt me.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this took forever. I had some issues with work. We're having some tutoring for a new machine we got, plus, they finally realized they should teach me more than one thing, so I haven't been able to focus on brainstorming during work. Which I usually do.   
> (I have a lot of time, lmao.)  
> This is also very short. But at least I'm listening to the story again and I can finally make out what it wants to be. The shapes are forming slowly, but they are forming.   
> Feel free to brainstorm with me, if you want :)

Breakfast was awkward.   
Neither Tanus, nor Merlin were saying a word. Which made Arthur keep his mouth shut as well.   
Rayleigh was the only one chatting. And boy could she talk. 

While she talked about the weather and how many trees had been destroyed over night – a fact which she shamelessly mentioned - Arthur picked at the sandwich he was supposed to eat.   
It looked more like small pillow forts. Honestly, what were they eating here?  
He took a deep breath and then picked one up with his bare hand to bite into it. It tasted sweet. But also sharp. A bit like mint, but more sugary. (It tasted like toothpaste.) The texture was slightly stringy, but not as unpleasant as rat.   
Was this supposed to be a dessert, should this give you energy? Breakfast, in Arthur's life, had a purpose. It gave him the strength to train and to rule.   
This was like …. cake for breakfast. Nice on birthdays, but he couldn't really work on a sugary stomach. 

“I do suppose we need to talk about what happened yesterday.”, Rayleigh suddenly interrupted Arthur's mind rant about the importance of food.   
Arthur looked up, stopping in the middle of chewing. Was he imagining it, or did his teeth suddenly feel cleaner?  
He also felt more awake. Was that from the oddly bitter tea he had been drinking earlier?

Arthur faintly noticed, how Merlin send him a glance before excusing himself from talking by drinking a large sip from the so called “coffee”. 

“The castle was shook yesterday, by the sea, as you well know. I do suppose Merlin has to tell you something about that.”

Arthur suddenly felt a heavy sense of defensiveness washing over him.   
To put Merlin on the spot like that! Hinting at a large secret that Merlin had hidden for well over ten years! Arthur still felt like the conversation yesterday had been nothing but a dream. COMING here felt like one giant fucked up dream.   
But even he knew that this was supposed to be Merlin's choice. Rayleigh couldn't just bring this up so casually and expect Merlin to be comfortable about it! 

Merlin looked at the table and let his cup down.   
Arthur shook his head, effectively stopping Merlin from responding. “I already know. I was the cause for it. I upset him. This -”, Arthur flailed his hand around the room. “-realm, reacts to his moods. I understand.”  
The simple fact that Arthur knew about Merlin's magic now (as weird as that thought roamed around in his mind), didn't excuse her behavior.

Rayleigh tilted her head at him, scanning him with her knowing golden eyes.   
“What you felt was not Merlin being upset, Arthur. You felt his regrets. You cannot understand the depth of his burdens. The sea contains it. All the memories, the pain, the deeds Merlin has done over the past few years in your care.   
The sea is a magical creature in this realm, Arthur. And she is almost as powerful as I am.   
But only just. If you want to learn magic, you have to understand what you unleashed last night. “

“Alright.”, why wasn't Arthur even surprised. Of course there was more to this. He was a fool to think he had solved the problem, when he hugged Merlin.

“What's her name?”

Rayleigh looked down, her eyes flickering towards Merlin, who looked just as curious. 

Unsurprisingly, it was Tanus who interfered. “Freya.”, they said and rolled their eyes at their obvious tense mood. 

Merlin's eyes widened and his cup fell out of his hands. Hot, black coffee spilled all over the breakfast table, soaking into the wood, the table was made of.  
Arthur's pillow fork of a breakfast soaked up the liquid and grew to the size of a small teddy bear. 

This was the only reason why the coffee didn't spill all over Arthur's legs. Which he was thankful for. He liked his skin unburned, thank you very much.  
Rayleigh and Tanus however, had jumped from their seats to evade the few drops of coffee that went their way. 

The cup itself miraculously survived the harsh greeting from gravity and rolled under the next uninhabited chair. 

Arthur wanted to ask a question. He really did. But before he could, he realized Merlin was completely frozen in shock.

Arthur watched him, until Merlin finally blinked back to reality. He didn't meet Arthur's eyes. Just continued to eat, like nothing had happened. Pointedly avoiding the change in the atmosphere  
Then, Arthur's attention went back to his brown mush of coffee stained whatever that's called.   
“Who's Freya?”, Arthur asked quietly. Because it was clear that Merlin knew someone by that name. And – considering she reappeared as something so huge and powerful in the very soul of his nature, meant, she was very important to him.   
Without receiving an answer, Arthur had a pretty good guess what kind of person she must have been. How Merlin must have felt for her. For a moment, he let his wandering eyes land on Merlin, as if to see him react to his own thoughts.   
But Merlin didn't. Yet, it was, like Arthur saw him in a completely different light.  
“What happened to her?”, he asked instead.

Rayleigh sighed, then sat back down. With a wave of her hand, a shadow appeared and started to clean up the mess Merlin had left behind. 

“She was cursed. She was a threat to Camelot because of it. So.... she died.”, Rayleigh explained shortly, while also watching Merlin's non reaction to the truth.

Arthur looked up, unsure what to make of this. “Was she killed?”  
“Yes.”, Rayleigh said.  
“By whom?”  
It was quiet for a second, as Merlin merely flinched. Barely enough to be noticed, but Arthur saw it.   
And realized a horrible thing. “Oh god.”, he muttered.   
“It was me, wasn't it?”  
Again, a none answer was plenty a confirmation. 

Tanus looked Arthur up and down and then send him a judging glance as usual.   
“Merlin has gone through a lot for you.”, Tanus said and clenched their fists. “Too much, in my opinion.”

“Tanus... leave it.”, Merlin weakly send in, receiving nothing but worried glances. 

“I want to meet her.”, Arthur said and stared again in the direction where Merlin had disappeared. 

“Meet her? Are you nuts? She is the sea, Arthur. The waves would -”, Tanus shook their head.   
“It's just not a good idea. Even Rayleigh wouldn't try to talk to her without proper precautions.   
I mean, we survive it, when she does the – the thing.   
But it's not pretty. And it destroys everything we build up, whenever she looses it.”

“I've got to see it. You said, the sea contains Merlin's memories and his regrets, right? I'm supposed to learn magic here. This is a huge part of what magic is. I need to know.”, Arthur insisted.   
Merlin looked up, an almost pleading look in his eyes.   
Arthur send him a glare that said: “don't fight me on this.”  
“You can't expect me to learn magic, and then keep me in the dark about the basics! And what it has done for me. This is where I have to start! And you all know it.”

“This is NOT what I had planned for you!”, Tanus growled back, leafs suddenly wilting again. 

“YOU are here to guide me! That means, you show me the path. You don't make the decision about my destination.”, Arthur glared at them.   
Merlin placed a calming hand on Arthur's shoulder. “You're right.”, he said.   
“Let's go.”  
He stood up from his chair. All eyes following him. Even the golden ones in the shadows.

Rayleigh glanced from one to another with varying degrees of worry.   
“He is right, Tanus.”, she finally said, making Tanus sputter in disbelieve and offense. 

“You cannot teach him what he doesn't want to learn. It's good that he chooses how to approach things. He knows best, what he can handle. He should set the pace.”

Arthur nodded at her in thanks.   
Tanus just scoffed and crossed their arms. Arms that looked like they were about to fall into crumbs any second.   
Merlin took a deep breath. Then he nodded.   
“The sea it is.”, he mumbled to himself. 

\-----------------------------------------------------------------

Maybe it had been the circle of the chosen ones, with the magical barrier, that had put off those radial waves of utter pain and regret storming their way.   
The sea smelled salty again. Maybe, the salt was a representation of all the tears Merlin had, or had refused to spill over the past ten years. Maybe even longer than that.  
Arthur didn't know. All he knew was, that the waves were freaking him out.   
This was no sea. This looked more like an ocean. One that had just destroyed half the coast and hurt all the shadows that had calmly been walking here. 

“We shouldn't get too close. The sea is still riled up.”, Rayleigh said, as they stood right at a small beach with incredibly soaked sand. Waves crashed against the shore, big enough to frighten even skilled surfers. 

“No. I need to see it up close.”, Arthur yelled back over the heavy wind. It certainly hadn't been that windy when they had arrived. 

“Arthur. Don't you think you've already caused enough pain? Whenever we creatures touch the sea, it drowns our purpose with grief. You know that, right? It's going to rain soon as well! Rayleigh and I cannot stay here for long.”

“You really don't have to do this, Arthur. I wouldn't advise it.”, Merlin was pale, as he grabbed for Arthur's sleeve, as if to warn him. 

Arthur sighed and shook his head. Then he turned towards Merlin and looked him in the eyes.   
“I understand that you've made decisions you regret.   
Do you regret, why you made these decisions?”

Merlin seemed confused, so Arthur clarified. “Do you regret doing them for me? For your king? For Camelot? Would you do it again?”

Somehow Arthur knew the answer. He knew, Merlin would nod, even before he did. Even though Merlin didn't waste a second to hesitate.   
Somehow Arthur knew what would happen, should he reach the shore. Somehow he just knew.   
Merlin didn't say a single word, but the tears gathering in his eyes told Arthur everything. 

So, the king took of his shoes and went as close to the water as he dared. The others stood a little behind. And Arthur was glad for it, somehow.  
Arthur closed his eyes for a moment to brace himself, then he rose his foot and touched the sea with a toe. 

It was like a penny had dropped onto the sea.   
Big waves grew from where Arthur had touched the surface. Not as big as the chaotic ones from before. No. It was like those waves were controlled. They cleared the surface, like they were designed to do so. Like that's the only reason they existed. Like negative waves, somehow.   
Like a single touch was enough to calm the raging storm. 

The sea went still. So still in fact, it reflected the sky above them. You could see nothing but the clearing blue of the world above and the few retreating clouds mirrored underneath. 

“My god.”, Rayleigh gasped and Tanus let their staff fall to the ground in shock. 

Merlin stared after Arthur as well. Conflicted emotions on his face. Arthur knew Merlin wanted to run after him. Merlin would love to run and keep Arthur from walking into the sea further or... at the very least – join him, so he could protect him.   
But, just as Arthur had known how the sea would react to himself, he knew that it would soak Merlin up and drown him in it's depth. So he rose a hand and signed Merlin to stay where he was. Obedient, like the servant Merlin usually refused to be, Merlin stayed behind.

So Arthur walked forward. Not IN to the sea. But ON it's surface.   
To walk on it, felt like walking barefooted on a glass table. Each step made you scared you'd start breaking something. That it wouldn't hold your weight.   
Yet, it was solid and smooth to walk on.   
And so Arthur walked, until a mist of shadows surrounded him and he was gone and shielded from his friend's yells and their sight. 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------

When Arthur opened his eyes, he found himself faced with a familiar face.   
Familiar, as in, he knew her. As in, he had killed her. He remembered her face, moments before she had turned into that basted.   
Moments, before Arthur's sword had run her through. So …. THIS was her.  
Arthur swallowed.

“Freya.”, Arthur greeted her, because he knew.   
The girl was nothing more than a reflection of a person within an oddly human shaped pile of water. Yet he knew, she could see and hear him.   
“Arthur Pendragon.”, she said. She had formed from the shadows. The shadow that had surrounded him, he now knew was a giant pile of water as well. Like a wall, it stood between him and Merlin and those two guide's who didn't seem to understand what their actual job was. 

And Arthur understood right than and there, that the sea had never been made of dark waters. That the shadows he had seen within the water yesterday, had not been mere shadows of the land.   
They were Merlin's regrets. As in... multiple.   
Merlin carried his memories with him. In his regrets. In the sea that was actually so clear, you could see the very ground, miles beneath your feet. But he could see shadows swimming within. Waiting for him to finally see them. 

Now, he had a name to but one of those shadows. And that is why finally, one of them morphed into a visible creature.

“You see me.” Freya smiled sadly. Like a ghost whose feet were attached to the sea, she flew around him, as though she was trying to figure out who this person was that had entered her waters.   
“Only just.”, Arthur admitted, because her figure was almost translucent. 

“You know who I am.”, Frey rephrased her statement.   
“You are a memory.”, Arthur replied and nodded. “Of the woman Merlin loved.”

“I am.”, she said and smiled sadly again. “I am one of many people Merlin loved and lost to you. Do you think you're ready to face them?”

Arthur frowned. “What happens, if I am not?”  
“You drown.”, she replied simply.   
“Why am I not drowning now?”  
Freya tilted her head. “You know why.”

“Because I am the reason Merlin made those decisions. And he doesn't regret protecting me. He doesn't regret what he lost the people he loved for. He just regrets not having a different option. Or failing to find one.”, Arthur answered his own question and Freya nodded. 

“You came here to learn about magic, did you not?”, she asked and Arthur nodded. Bracing himself. “Then come here.”, Freya said.   
Arthur looked at her outstretched hands. Was this a test? Was this... was it wise to walk over and trust her, just like that?   
Then Arthur blew out some air and did as he was told. Freya locked eyes with him and placed her hands in his. 

She didn't say anything more, but Arthur could see flashes of memories running through his mind. Water rose from Freya's feet and over her dress on to Arthur.   
Before Arthur knew it, he was covered with the liquid, yet he did not feel wet. His clothes did not soak up the water, he was just surrounded by it.   
Finally, his head was shielded with it. Yet, he could still breathe. Yet, he did not worry. 

“I'm not a monster.”, Freya's expression suddenly changed into one of pain and fear. It was like the magical water gave Arthur a new sight on her. Her face twisted behind the waterfall in front of his eyes, to that of a giant cat.   
But her voice was not her own. She sounded like Merlin.   
Arthur's eyes widened, and then his own skin soaked up the water. Drank it in. It felt cold and piercing and hot at the same time. It burned and stung and Arthur had to stop himself from inhaling, because NOW he felt himself drowning.   
He was about to fight it, when he saw Freya starting to cry. 

'Merlin would never hurt me.' Arthur's arms relaxed at his side. He held his breath, but Freya shook her head. “Breathe.”, she mouthed.   
And because her voice was so familiar, was the voice Arthur trusted most in his life, he breathed in.   
And choked and breathed again.   
Until his lungs were filled with the water and the pain and he was coughing for his life. Trying to fight his survival instincts to breathe in the information that Merlin was trying to grand him. 

'Merlin would never hurt me. Merlin is not a monster.', Arthur reminded himself. And then.... then the water felt like air.   
Almost heavily, Arthur breathed it in, like he couldn't just suddenly take it.   
But like he needed it to survive. 

Freya's eyes glistened with a giant smile. But the water still stayed in Arthur's veins. He could feel it inhabiting his body. Like a reminder of a power he never knew he had. 

He could sense it. Merlin's fear. His self doubt. He could listen to it. It was tangible. Freya was tangible.   
“Monsters don't feel regret.”, Arthur said and locked eyes with her. Freya nodded and smiled. And then, her body fell into the sea, like spilled water into a bath tub. 

Arthur looked after her and he knew, this was only the first step. He needed to get beneath the surface. Deeper into the sea. So he closed his eyes and reached for the power that he had just earned.   
Then, he drowned. 

\----------------------------------------------------------

“He's not coming out.”, Merlin was pacing at the shore. The wind had stilled and so had the water, but his worry was growing.   
Rayleigh, meanwhile, seemed to be glowing. She smiled at Merlin. “He'll be fine.”, she said, but Merlin didn't look convinced.   
Rayleigh sighed, as her dress seemed to be growing more and more ornaments for no reason. 

Of course there was a reason for that.   
Rayleigh was Merlin's sense for protection. And right now, neither of them could see Arthur behind that waterfall that had appeared out of nowhere. 

“Can't you fly over and get him out of there?”, Merlin was shivering now. 

“That's a shield of water, Merlin. I'd have to fly through it. I'm not sure, I'm strong enough to make my way through.”

“This is Arthur we're talking about! He's in danger! I don't care about my regrets, when his life depends on me. The sea is still calm, see?  
You said you were slightly stronger than my regrets. This is why. You HAVE to try! I don't trust this.”, Merlin was biting on his nails now. A nervous habit he had long given up, actually. But it returned sometimes, when Arthur was involved.

“Merlin. This realm is a part of you. You would never hurt Arthur.”  
“Not on purpose!”, Merlin argued.   
“Not even when you're possessed, Merlin! Even when Morgana ordered you to kill Arthur, you failed miserably. You couldn't hurt him, even IF you tried.”  
This seemed to calm him a little. Though that was as much as he could do. 

Tanus just stood there and stared over the see. Still shell shocked, that Arthur had been able to walk over the water, like it was a road and not water. 

“Why don't you hate him?”, Tanus asked and once more, their moss head turned brownish from the worry that Merlin was experiencing for his king.   
Merlin send them a glance. And that was all it took.  
Not to make Tanus understand. But to make them KNOW that hating Arthur wasn't even an option. Had never been on his mind. 

Tanus frowned and looked down. “He's hurt you so much and yet you don't resent him for it.”

“He didn't do anything wrong.”, Merlin whispered, but his eyes were still fixed on the magical wall of water. And then, something shook, as the wall crashed into itself.   
Waves reached the shore like they had before. But they disappeared sooner than was natural. 

“Where is Arthur?”, Merlin suddenly asked, eyes wide as he realized that there was nothing there. He could look towards the horizon and see nothing there, on the surface. 

Rayleigh blinked, then she too turned towards the empty sea.   
Tanus looked up at them, then at the sea as well.   
“He's gone.”, their eyes were wide as well. 

“No.”, Merlin mouthed and started to panic.   
Meanwhile, Rayleigh began to scream. As she grew in size and morphed back into the feathery creature she had been upon their meeting.   
The falcon grew and grew taller. Her eyes piercing golden like the sun.   
“ARTHUR!”, Merlin called out for him.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look... I know this chapter is short again. But really, I had no idea where this is going and this was so much FUN. GOD, I did not see this coming D:  
> Thanks again at GhostN27 for helping me figure out who Tanus really is.   
> I had a certain mindset and discarded it. You brought it back to me, thank you :)  
> Because you saw the potential this had.

Rayleigh was Merlin's sense of protection. It was only natural that she grew in size. That her feathers spread and grew, until she reached the size of a small house.   
Against her own will, she turned back into the falcon. The creature she had first represented herself as.   
Upon Merlin's cries, she jumped into the air and flew right over the sea. Only to make a u turn and dive deep into the ocean. 

As soon as her beak hit the ocean, however, it was clear that she would not find him.   
She broke through the water, yes, but she was buried underneath. Feeling all those regrets, feeling the fear of hurting Arthur by making him drown, fearing of Merlin being the cause for it, she lost her power.   
It didn't take long before her coughing head broke through the surface again. Gasping for air. 

Merlin, rightfully panicked. Without questioning her, without blaming her, he ran into the water himself. But you know how it is. Running is easy on land, but if you try to keep up the pace in the water, you will be stopped. Merlin stumbled over the sudden hindrance at his legs and fell face first into the clear substance.

Arthur was deep within the sea. A mile away. Merlin could try and get there, but he wouldn't make it in time.   
“ARTHUR!”, Merlin shouted again, as Rayleigh finally reached the shore again.   
She lay herself down on the sand, human again and coughing for her breath. 

Tanus watched all this with mixed emotions. He could sense Merlin's fear. He could feel it growing stronger and stronger. 

Tanus watched, as Merlin tried to swim over to where Arthur was. But it was now that his regrets sensed him blaming himself for letting Arthur go into- no- onto the sea in the first place.  
And that send a wave his way. One that swept over him and kept him from swimming any further.   
That didn't stop Merlin from trying though. Again and again, Merlin had to heave for air, because the waves were crushing him. 

Tanus arms crumbled at their sides. Their staff grew hotter, as it usually did, when they were mad.   
Tanus grabbed the staff tighter and closed their eyes as Merlin screamed Arthur's name again.   
Tanus really, really wanted to blame Arthur for this. Wanted to be mad at him. Being mad at Arthur wasn't easy for them.   
Because Merlin didn't hate Arthur. Couldn't hate him at all, actually.   
The maximum on dislike Merlin held for this man resulted in calling him a 'prat.'  
Tanus knew there were so many things Merlin could and SHOULD blame Arthur for. 

He blamed himself instead.   
Right now, Tanus blamed him too. Merlin should have never listened to Arthur's suggestion to meet Freya. Hell, Merlin should have never brought Arthur here!  
He was only endangering the man he had sworn to protect. And in the process he was being self destructive! His regrets grew, because he was drowning Arthur in them. And by that he was making it worse and worse.  
Tanus clenched their hands around the staff until it burned through the moss on their skin.   
The heat, the burn, was welcome against the cold wind of desperation. 

Tanus blamed Morgana. She was the reason Merlin was in this state at all! She was the reason he was sick. He was the reason they came here.   
She was the reason Arthur was in danger. She was the reason for Camlann and Merlin's fear of the end result of the fight. She was the very reason Merlin had lost his abilities. 

Tanus was getting mad. And madder. And angrier.   
And.... bigger. 

Tanus eyes were black. Always were, always had been. Like coal. But right now, they snapped.   
Their eyes broke apart and turned white, like someone had lightened a flame in them. Not yellowish golden, bright white. And with that, their entire body caught fire.   
Tanus didn't think, didn't waste a minute, they slowly walked forwards. Heat radiating from them as they roared and walked into the sea.   
Now, it sounds reasonable to walk into the sea, when your body has caught fire. But Tanus was not burning up, they had turned into it. The wilting leafs burning up from rage and hatred.   
But they were blind and mad and didn't care for anything. Especially the water of the sea that promised doom rather than healing. They didn't even care for the regrets that they would soon have to face. No. 

The hatred was so strong that the water evaporated before they even touched it.   
Tanus was Arthur's guide. It made sense that they were a feeling that's not magical at all.   
And yet exactly what made magic so dangerous. 

Tanus remembered who they were in this very moment. They were born the day the purge started. That was the day they had gained conscience.   
The day the first pyre's were lit of everything flammable. Like grass, and leafs and moss, wood, and fire. 

Tanus was Merlin's hatred against Uther, against everything that was an enemy of magic. 

But then Arthur came into his life. And Merlin couldn't hate him. Couldn't hate a man who fought for the weak. Sometimes even for druids. People he was supposed to hate. The flames had diminished and been destroyed. And his hatred had turned to jokes. Childish, fresh and fun.  
And only ever lightened against Arthur's enemies. 

They should have known Tanus was the only one who could get to Arthur now. 

Tanus didn't see how terrified Merlin was while watching them. Or how even Rayleigh stumbled backwards, scared for their life. 

All they felt was the water diminishing into white misty fog.  
Because when Merlin was angry at himself, or angry at Arthur's enemies to the point where he didn't care for himself, when he was NOT afraid, THAT's, when he was at his strongest. 

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

When Arthur opened his eyes, he could still breathe.   
Slowly, he looked around. Above him, he could see the surface of the water breaking the sun light into this place.   
And when he moved, he felt the resistance of the water holding him back. It seemed calm here. Clear and light and cold. 

For a moment Arthur wondered what he was doing here. Here, underneath the surface.   
But then it was getting darker and shadows formed figures into thin air water.  
Curious, Arthur swirled around himself. 

He could hear the damp sound of metal clashing against wood. His interest piqued, he made swimming movements to get closer to the source of the noise.   
The water obeyed his will.   
He swam there faster than he ever swam in the real world. His trust in Merlin and Merlin's decisions giving him power he never knew he had. 

He waved a hand and the image before him became clearer.   
Two men, translucent like Freya had been, but nothing as fancy as a body of water around them, (except the sea itself) were fighting each other. With swords of course.   
One of them had dark skin and a loud voice, as he commented on the other person's figure and stance. 

This was another memory. Or at least, two figures of a memory. But they didn't seem to fit together. Those memories.

It didn't take long for Arthur to recognize the flaws in this picture.   
The red robe of the knights of Camelot the first man was wearing, was too red. Blood red.   
And he would recognize Excalibur anywhere. But Excalibur was Arthur's sword, not this man's.   
It was the knight who had fallen on the mission to the dark tower. Where Gwen was held prisoner by Morgana. Before she got brainwashed by the witch. 

Elyan looked as young and calm as ever, as he showed the other man how to hold the sword. 

Only now did Arthur manage to recognize the other person. It was... it was Will.   
Arthur blinked in surprise. Will had never even been to Camelot. He had never met Elyan. Will died long before Elyan was found or.... knighted for that matter!

Arthur had the vague feeling that this was not an ordinary memory. This was not something Merlin had witnessed. This was something he had combined, specially for Arthur.

Will, the man who had once died protecting Arthur, was also carrying a sword. But it was not a sword made of metal. It was made of wood.   
This.... this was strange. Why would Elyan fight with a normal, perfect, sharpened sword (an exceptional sword, even) against a man who used such a childish toy and didn't even know how to defend himself?

Elyan's head turned around and smiled, as he saw Arthur.   
“My king.”, he said and immediately stopped fighting. Will managed to hit him. If only on accident. For whatever reason, he slashed right through Elyan.   
It slashed sharply, like a real sword should. Yet, Elyan was not hurt. It cut through him like through water.   
In all fairness, that was exactly what was happening.

Will stood up straight as well, turning his head to Arthur and immediately crossed his arms.   
“There you are. Took you long enough.”, he rolled his eyes. “Royals.”

Arthur gaped at them.   
This made no sense. Why was Merlin sending him those two people to hold the next lecture for him?  
Sure, Will was once Merlin's best friend. And Elyan was also Merlin's friend in Camelot. But Arthur would have expected Lancelot here.   
Merlin and Lancelot used to have a very special friendship. Like he used to have with Will. 

Maybe it was because Elyan died recently? But Will died years ago, or wasn't the timing of their death important?  
Arthur failed to make a connection between those two.   
After all, Elyan was a knight, Will hated royals.   
Elyan died, trying to save his own sister. Will died, protecting Arthur.   
Maybe, Merlin considered them both loyal. Maybe he saw a connection between them Arthur didn't. A comparison that only Merlin could make, where Arthur could only make distinctions. 

Maybe Merlin had tried to save them both and failed. With his magic.   
That's why they were his regrets, right?

Then again, there should be more people here, if that was the case, right? Freya could be here again for example. But she had had her own moment.   
Or Balinor. If Arthur remembered correctly, he died saving Merlin's life. Surely Merlin would feel guilty about that.   
Lancelot, as already mentioned.  
There had been other knights Merlin had been friends with who also died in Arthur's service. And whose deaths Merlin had witnessed or maybe even caused.   
Surely the man blamed himself for not saving those people too? Maybe, there could be villagers, that Merlin failed to save from sicknesses with his magic.   
Or druids, who died by Uther's hand and that Merlin couldn't get out of the cells in Camelot.

“I suppose you're wondering why you're here?”, Elyan asked, a calm smile on his face as he walked forward and hugged Arthur. Against Arthur's will, maybe, but Arthur felt relief, seeing his old friend again. So he allowed it for once.

“Actually, I'm wondering why YOU are here. Or rather, what you want from me.”, Arthur said and patted him on the shoulder before letting go.   
He pushed his brainstorming mindset away and concentrated on the people before him.   
Only they could tell him what they were doing here. Or what Arthur was doing here.

“That's a good question. And it's easy to answer.”, Elyan smiled mysteriously. 

“Don't talk like that blasted dragon, SIR Elyan. You're here, because you have to get Merlin's magic back.”, Will rolled his eyes again and spat out the word Sire, as he turned from Elyan to Arthur. 

“Me? How am I supposed to do that? No offense, but this realm is literally made of magic. It's already connected to Merlin. I don't know why Merlin can't use it, anyway. If he's magic itself... how can you lose something that you are? I don't know what blocks him. How am I supposed to help? I can't even see you guys. Or rather, most of you..... yet.   
Which means, I don't even know what magic is. Isn't that proof enough that I'm the wrong person for this job? ”

Arthur looked at them and around. The more he looked, the more he saw. They were in some sort of …... work shop or something.   
He recognized some of those tools. He had seen Elyan's father use them to make swords and knifes for Uther, when he was still a prince.   
Elyan's father was a blacksmith. That didn't explain those other tools though. They didn't look like they were used to work on metal.   
They looked like they were made to carve into wood instead. 

Wait a second, didn't Merlin mention once what job Will had, back in Ealdor? Wasn't he a carpenter or something? (4)

“Once upon a time, you doubted yourself.”, Elyan said and held out Excalibur to Arthur. Completely changing the topic. Or so it seemed.

Surprised, Arthur took it and tried to inspect the sword, with a frown on his face. It looked just the same as always. 

“This sword was forged in a dragon's breath.”, Elyan said and nodded at Arthur meaningfully. 

“I don't get it. What does that have to do with anything? - wait – how do you even know.... that?”, Arthur tilted his head.   
These were Merlin's inner regrets, how did he know what the sword was made of....?  
Unless..... Arthur's eyes widened like saucers and he let the sword down. 

“Don't you see? Merlin MADE that weapon for you. You're a mortal who faces immortal enemies on a daily basis. You need weapon to defend Camelot. To protect them.   
But the moment you needed the sword most, was not when you faced an army.”, Will scanned him up an down, unimpressed by Arthur's casual appearance. 

“Instead, it was when you doubted you could ever be king.   
When you doubted yourself and your abilities. And your decisions.   
Your lack of confidence took away your ability to be king. Merlin gave you confidence, when he made you grab that sword. That's the moment you proved yourself worthy to be king. That's when you needed it most.

This sword is a metaphor, Arthur. He build this sword, like he build your confidence, he shaped your life and your decisions. And you have done the same for him.   
Right now, Merlin is doubting himself. That's what's blocking his magic.   
You are right, Merlin cannot lose who he is. He is the only thing that's standing in his way.   
You have to create that weapon that can cut through his fears.”, Will said this in a tone that was an order, more than compassion or care.

Arthur stared at him, eyes wide and mind blown.   
A part of him wanted to scream at them, what the fact he managed to pull out the sword from solid motherfucking stone meant to him! And that right now this felt like a blow to the guts.   
For a moment, he couldn't breathe. When he choked on the water, he shook his head again and focused on his trust in Merlin. Then he could breathe again. 

By the looks on their faces, they already knew. 

They wanted him to make a weapon for Merlin. They wanted him to reinstall his confidence, like Merlin had done for him.  
He looked at them again.   
He would do it of course. This was Merlin they were talking about. Of course he would. Just - He had never made a sword in his entire life. What exactly did they expect him to do? He was no blacksmith, he didn't know how....  
His eyes fell on Will's wooden sword. 

His face relaxed. Oh..... so THAT's why.   
Nobody said the weapon had to be a sword. Nobody said it had to be made of metal at all. Nobody said what material it needed to be made of. 

Everyone had a distinctive power. A secret talent, a certain mind set, just a little something, that defined who they are. And everyone used this talent to fend for themselves.   
Elyan's father was a blacksmith. That's why he was holding a traditional sword. But Will... Will was a carpenter. He knew how to build things with wood. That's why he defended himself with a weapon made of material he was used to. 

It cut just like a real sword would. Because it counted. 

Arthur's own sword – the real Excalibur - wasn't made of anything special, except for the dragon's breath of course. But, as they said, it was a metaphor.   
Arthur's confidence, his worth lay in his person as king. In his leadership.   
His sword was his words. His believes in the future he wanted to build. His trust in his kingdom. His abilities as a fighter. He had to be stronger than solid stone, to able to wield his sword. That's what Merlin's trust had given him. Strength. 

Merlin..... Merlin was magic. His sword needed to be made of magic as well.

“He's got it.”, Will said and grinned as he was watching Arthur's mind rattle from the new information. 

Arthur looked up. “How can I make this weapon?”

“How do you think?”, they asked in unison and a moment later, their forms disappeared. And it was as though the memory had never been there at all.   
But Arthur was still holding Excalibur in his hand. The one made of water. Made of regrets and tears. 

That's when Arthur understood that coming here had given him a foundation. The right idea.  
The power Freya had given him, was so he had the ability to shape it, to create the sword Merlin could use to destroy his fears and his doubts.

Magic, formed as a sword.   
How ironic.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (4) I did read a very nice theory on tumblr that explains exactly how and why Will must have been a self taught carpenter. However, I couldn't find the post again.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Damn , there is a lot going on in this chapter.  
> Half of those things I didn't see coming, but i find they make perfect sense. Anyway... have fun :)  
> I really hope the weekend will come soon. Work needs a lot more attention than usual lately. U cannot imagine the amount of sugar I keep craving. (I'm a sugar addict, I'm doing my best to keep it down. But my god, is that hard lately XD)

Arthur was waiting. Something would happen, he just knew it. He was holding the sword he was supposed to shape for Merlin, the one that still looked exactly like a translucent Excalibur.  
It felt similar too, but it wasn't yet complete.  
Arthur swirled through the sea for a while. Watching shadows pass him and sending him curious glances.  
But none of them approached him.

The deeper Arthur dived, the darker it got. And eventually, he saw snippets of memories taking shape.  
Things he knew, things he remembered being replayed before him.

Arthur's mind flinched every time. He expected one of them to talk to him and explain to him what was happening. But no one did.  
Apart from the glances, no one turned around.  
And the memories were always incomplete. Other times they finished each other, without belonging where they latched on to.  
Arthur didn't understand half of these memories. But he watched them anyway, hoping to find what he was searching for.  
Though he didn't even know what he was searching for in the first place.

Arthur stood before a small camp in a cave, an image of his own hurt self sleeping at the fire. He looked tired and calm, as though in a state of healing.  
On the other side, whispering in hushed voices, were Balinor and Merlin.

The king had never had the chance to actually talk with Balinor. Except for a small fight that ended just as it had begun. Balinor refusing to help them save Camelot from the great dragon and Arthur being angry and hopeless.  
Balinor never seemed to like him much. Balinor seemed to like Merlin much better. Merlin must have said something to him. Something that changed his mind to the point he was willing to help his enemy.  
Maybe they shared a bond as dragon lords, Arthur guessed.

Merlin looked eerily nervous, as he was talking to the man who did not meet his eyes: “Are you Balinor?”

Arthur sat down beside his friend to watch him talk to this man who refused to save an entire kingdom. He was curious to see what Merlin was going to say to this man.  
Balinor did not seem to recognize him. So they didn't know each other. Not yet, at least.  
No secret Dragon lord alliance. Or resistance or whatever.  
For some reason, Merlin looked torn by simply talking to him.

Was he, perhaps, insecure and mad at himself, because he did not dare show Arthur that he was a dragon lord himself?

Merlin had confessed to that only last night. Last night seemed so long ago.  
But not as long ago as Balinor's death.  
Was Merlin sitting here, knowing he could save Camelot, but was too cowardly to come forth with his magic to do so? That didn't sound like Merlin at all.

“The Great Dragon is attacking Camelot.”, Merlin explained to Balinor.  
Balinor was still avoiding him. “His name is Kilgharrah.”  
Merlin fumbled with his hands. “Well, we can't stop him. Only you, a dragonlord, can.”

Arthur paused. Merlin looked expectant, as though he was waiting for something. Did he think Balinor could sense who or.... what he was?  
Was Merlin hiding his heritage even from this man? This man he should somehow share a history with? Clearly they must. Balinor had been considered the last of his kind at this point.  
Merlin had fooled them all well.  
Or.... Arthur blinked in confusion. Did Merlin even know he was a dragonlord yet? At this point in their shared history? Or was he about to find out?

“He doesn't act blindly. He kills for a reason. Vengeance. This is of Uther's making.”  
Arthur pressed his lips together. Of course this would be Balinor's argument. But that wasn't a good reason to let hundreds of innocent people die.  
“But he's killing innocent people. Women and children.”, of course, Merlin would say that. Arthur smiled, satisfied with the way Merlin reacted.

“Uther pursued me! He hunted me like an animal!”  
Merlin looked down, the expectation gone. Sympathy replaced it. As though he knew exactly how that felt. As though he had faced it himself. He was – at the very least- a sorcerer. Of course he knew. Arthur closed his eyes. The pain was tangible, especially here, in the deepest and darkest corner of Merlin's soul.  
“I know.”, Merlin said and Arthur nodded despite himself.

“What do you know about anybody's life, boy?! Uther asked me to use my power to bring the last dragon to Camelot. He said he wanted to make peace with it, but he did not! He lied to me! He betrayed me! You want me to protect this man?”  
Arthur stared at him. His mouth slightly open. His father had done.... what?  
His father had tricked Balinor into helping him and THEN expected him to help them again?  
Uther had always tended to act rashly and cowardly. But THIS? This was cowardice! Madness even!

Was he nuts? Did he send Arthur out to get himself killed by a man who would probably love to get revenge? Arthur's father would never..... except Arthur knew he would.  
…  
Actually, this was exactly something Uther had done on a daily basis. Arthur frowned. Why was it that he only now realized that? This...... treatment that others would consider abuse and that had tainted his entire childhood?  
If Uther's ghost had been ready to kill his own son, then this should be no surprise, should it?  
Somehow that just made it worse.

“I want you to protect Camelot.”, why did Merlin sound like this was normal? Like he had any right to demand anything of this man? If he understood how Balinor felt, why didn't he understand how Balinor reacted?

Balinor sounded more than frustrated with Arthur's servant. “He killed every one of my kind! I alone escaped!”  
Arthur winced slightly. This story was not an uncommon one. But usually, the people who had lost everything to king Uther, hadn't aided him in his genocidal rage.  
Hadn't been tricked into betraying and killing their own family. This was even worse than what Arthur had imagined.

Merlin looked..... anticipating. As though he knew this story. How did he know it? Had someone told him Balinor's story? Gaius, maybe. Gaius knew many people who had fled Camelot right after the purge.  
“Where did you go?”, the way Merlin asked this did hardly sound like a question. It sounded more like he wanted something confirmed.

“There's a place called Ealdor.”

Arthur froze. Slowly, his head turned around. His eyes opened. Merlin did not look surprised. Why did he not look surprised, when Balinor mentioned that village? That small little village that Arthur had actually been to. That he had helped defend years ago.  
“Yes.”, Merlin nodded. And the look in his eyes, Arthur didn't want to know what this could mean.  
This must be a coincidence. Right? Except he had a feeling that it was definitely not a coincidence.

Balinor looked wistful, full of sorrow. “I had a life there. A woman. A good woman. Ealdor is beyond Uther's realm, but still he pursued me. Why would he not let me be? What was it that I had done that he wanted to destroy the life I built, abandon the woman I loved? He sent knights to kill me. I was forced to come here, to this! So, I understand how Kilgharrah feels. He's lost every one of his kind, every one of his kin. You want to know how that feels? Look around, boy. Let Uther die. Let Camelot fall.”  
Arthur would have focused on that, wanted to focus on the let Camelot fall part, but he couldn't.

“You want everyone in Camelot to die?”, Merlin sounded disappointed.  
Balinor scoffed. “Why should I care?”  
“What if one of them was your son?”

Arthur's mind stopped. He couldn't think. This was not happening. Merlin couldn't be serious.  
Balinor shook his head. “I don't have a son.”

It was like echoes filled the memory. Echoes of how this conversation would have continued.  
“Hunith? She's still alive?”, “Yes, I'm her son.”, “So she married after all.” “She never married. I am your son.”,  
But the memory fled Arthur's eyes. Fled his mind. He couldn't focus on it.

Balinor had died only a day after this conversation. For a total of two days, Merlin had known his own father. No wonder Merlin had been acting so odd those days.  
And Arthur had told Merlin not to......

“No man is worth your tears, ey?”  
Arthur felt his heart leap out of his chest, as Balinor looked at Arthur. The scene, Arthur's own self, Merlin, they were both gone. The memory was stopped in favor of Merlin's soul calling out to him.

“I'm sorry,.... I … I didn't know.”, Arthur swallowed down an apology, but Balinor shook his head sadly, as he poked into the fire.  
“Every man is worth grieving for, Arthur Pendragon. A man is not weak for showing emotions and care. He is a stronger for it.  
Tears are a weapon, young king. I'd assume at this point you would have figured that out.”

Balinor pointed at the unfinished sword Arthur was holding.  
Arthur looked down at it. At the sword that was created of magical water..... The lake. Merlin's tears. Arthur had made the connection before, how had he not realized sooner?

“Tears.... as a weapon.”, Arthur repeated in confusion. His instinctual shock upon Balinor talking to him had vanished already. After all, he was not the first figure who dared talk to him.

“Tears can only be shed by someone who does not fear judgment for it. And not everyone can stand another's grief.  
When Merlin cried for me, it unarmed you as well. Didn't it?”

Arthur stared at him. How did Balinor...... did this part of Merlin know that? That deep dark secret that Arthur never dared tell anyone? It was the same part that had reduced his description of the Wildeorren to “baby rats”, when he noticed how scared Merlin looked, before they had to face them. That too.... had been years ago.

“Merlin feels loss. Many, many losses. I am special only, because I could have given him a new home. From me he learned where he came from. That has given him power and strength. Merlin is a dragon lord. It is a part of him. It makes sense that he cannot fight without this part of him.  
Take this. He will need it.”  
Balinor stood up and gently placed a small carved dragon into Arthur's hand.  
Arthur looked up in confusion. Somehow, this thing looked familiar. Merlin had this one standing in his room, didn't he?

That was, until the tiny dragon roared to life and jumped around Arthur's hand and on to the hilt of Merlin's new sword. Arthur almost squealed in shock. He barely restrained himself. It's mouth open with incredibly detailed teeth, it froze around the metal.  
Arthur looked up in confusion. But Balinor only smiled at him.  
Just as Arthur decided he was brave enough to ask a question, the blasted man vanished into thin shadows.

Arthur found, he would never get used to the sight of this.

\-------------------------------------------------

Before Arthur could form any more coherent thoughts, his surroundings shaped into a cave.

In front of him, a familiar face. Agravaine.

Arthur's eyes widened. He knew when this was. This was back when Agravaine had betrayed and hunted him. These were the tunnels of Ealdor.  
While Arthur, Gwen, Tristan and Isolde (two bandits that had given them protection against their own better judgment) had searched for an exit in the tunnels that Merlin had claimed to know like the back of his hand, Merlin himself had said, he'd go and make sure they weren't followed. Or... he tried to distract them. (Them being Agravaine and Morgana's men) The details were a bit foggy. This wasn't the first time Arthur and Merlin had been in a tunnel and Merlin heroically decided to distract their enemies. Somehow he made it back save and sound every time.

Arthur knew Agravaine had died that day, because rumors had spread that Arthur himself had killed him. That rumor was not true. To this day, Arthur didn't know what had truly happened. Right now, he had a feeling he would find out soon.

Still, Arthur had not expected that Merlin had actually faced him in those tunnels.

Agravaine had noticed that Merlin was cornered. There was no way left for him to turn. They had run after him here into a place with no exit.  
Now Merlin was basically defenseless.  
Only, now Arthur knew he wasn't. At least not really. But Agravaine didn't know that. As Arthur didn't, back then.

“Where's Arthur?”, Agravaine asked. His voice sounded almost soothing, like he was talking to a hurt little dog, not Merlin himself.  
Merlin however, did not look like a cornered dog, but like a cornered dragon instead.  
The difference may not seem significant, but Arthur could tell those eyes were dangerous. Not lost or incompetent or afraid, they were pained and full of regret. Not regret for something that had happened yet, but something that was about to come. Something that Merlin knew he was about to do.  
“Be careful.”, it was a warning and it had Arthur shivering. Arthur stepped back involuntarily. He couldn't comprehend how Agravaine could be so calm right now.

Agravaine seemed confused instead. “What are you talking about, where is Arthur?”

Merlin was shifting in his stance. Nervous, ashamed almost.

“Tell me now, or I'll have to kill you.”

Merlin shook his head. He looked like he wanted to avoid this confrontation. “I don't think so.”  
His voice sounded hoarse, as Agravaine stepped forward.  
A mistake on his part, really. When Merlin raised his hand – and Arthur had to take a double take, because that really was all Merlin did, Agravaine and his men flew backwards.

Agravaine was the only figure who regained consciousnesses. The others ….. dead.  
Arthur paled. Such raw power. And Merlin just used it to kill. There was no bravado over it. No ill intent, no hatred. Just fear. So.... so much fear in so little time.  
The place grew darker, only showing Agravaine's face.

But Arthur, Arthur felt himself choke, missing half of the conversation.  
He merely heard Merlin claim: “I was born with it.”, but Arthur couldn't breathe.  
A moment later, Agravaine was already dead.

Arthur knelt on the floor, sinking deeper, down down down, as he felt his trust in Merlin turn to betrayal. It made no sense. He knew why Merlin had done this. Whom he had done this for.  
But Merlin was no killer. Merlin was innocence incarnate. Yet, this memory showed the exact opposite.

And then....  
Then a light appeared in the corner of the suddenly pitch black place. The place where Arthur felt himself drifting out of consciousness himself. Before he closed his eyes, however, he suddenly saw the light growing bigger and bigger and then....  
he looked into his own face.

Again, he heard but one sentence. “All right, it's true. I came back because you're the only friend I have and I couldn't bear to loose you.”

The memory faded, but the light illuminated the cave again.  
It was only then that Arthur realized that the darkness didn't come with the memory. It was how Merlin viewed that moment. How he had felt. How dark these thoughts were to him.

And then, it was Merlin himself who turned around. Eyes sad, as he looked down.  
“You can't trust me again after this, can you?”, he asked the real Arthur.

That's when Arthur's mind snapped again. His eyes opened and clear cold water filled his lungs. Somehow not drowning him. But he coughed and coughed, until he managed to calm his heart.  
The light hovered between them now.  
“I'm sorry I killed your uncle.”, Merlin whispered, as he locked eyes with Arthur.

Oddly enough, Arthur believed him. The apology was stronger than the killing part. He saw it in Merlin's eyes.  
“I know.”, Arthur heaved through tears from coughing. How he knew? Well... because this sea was full of Merlin's regrets. Arthur should have anticipated Merlin to kill someone. Or at least, to face regrets that were actually based on his own decisions.

“What was that light?”, Arthur asked and tried not to look at it.  
Then he blinked and stared at the blueish glowing, giggling ball in utter shock.  
“That's a kantliz, what the hell is it doing here?”

Memory Merlin smiled at him. Seemingly relieved Arthur could still breathe after all.  
“I was scared.”, Merlin said and pointed at the corpses of Agravaine and half a dozen nameless knights behind him. He was referring to the memory, Arthur realized.

“What of? You merely lifted a hand.”, Arthur pointed out, still incredulous, still slightly scared.

“To be what they say I am.”, Merlin said and closed his eyes. “A monster.”  
Arthur's eyes widened. And finally, finally it clicked.  
“I was lost in my rage and grief.”, Merlin shuddered, then he waved at the light. The kantlitz that represented guidance. That offered a helping hand, when you were completely lost in the darkness of your heart.

“You brought me back. You gave me hope. You've always given me hope. Thank you.”, Merlin said and smiled genuinely. The blue golden light followed to where Arthur was holding the sword. And there, it suddenly combined with the watery blade. Water turned into something else. Something like raw metal. It glowed in the dark.

“What on earth....”

“This sword, Arthur, isn't randomly constructed. Each piece was taken from a memory that gave me hope. Where my regrets were formed because I lost a part of my home. A life I could have lived instead of the one I eventually chose.  
Freya was my first and only love. We planned to run away together. And build a new home for ourselves. Where we could be ourselves and safe.”, Merlin smiled, but then he shook his head.

“Then she died.  
Will, was my first friend. He gave me reason to stay in Ealdor. Make a new life there. Use my talents to create instead of protect. But Will died too. And so, that chance was lost.  
Balinor was my father.  
He showed me where I'm from. I wish I could add my mother to that memory. But they never saw each other again.

And then... the last one. You. You are the only home I have left Arthur. You are my only hope for the future.  
Each of these pieces of myself, have the power to turn the tides in the war.

Now this sword needs to be forged.”

Arthur stared at Merlin. “How do I do that?”  
“They are here.”, Merlin whispered. And with that, he too disappeared into a whirlwind of memories and shadows.

And then, Arthur heard a roar.

\------------------

The water around him evaporated. Arthur's eyes widened. No.... this was... this was impossible.  
This was an entire sea, a MAGIC sea. The water couldn't just disappear.  
Arthur felt the water in his lungs turn hot and he coughed it out as best as he could.

Somehow though, he wasn't falling. The feelings of the ocean did not disappear. They were still there. Like the water was as well.  
It was just.... hot and warm clouds that Arthur was swimming/flying in.  
And right above him, Arthur saw the biggest god damn dragon made of fire he had ever seen.

He had never seen a dragon made of fire before. But he HAD seen a dragon. And damn were those things huge.

The... the thing, had eyes white as the blazing sun. It was pure and utter rage.  
Merlin's regrets cowered before them. Bowing their shadowy heads, as though the light was enough to cease their existence.

Arthur's jaw dropped. Was this.... Merlin's hatred? Merlin? Could HATE?

Then the dragon spotted Arthur and another growl echoed within the whole that was once big enough to contain a small ocean.  
And then it roared at Arthur once again.

Arthur tried his best to take cover. But he was hovering in mid air, and fearing Merlin hindered his movements.  
A giant hand grabbed for him and of course, Arthur was close to helpless to fight it.

Fight...  
Of course. The sword.

Arthur took a deep breath and grabbed the sword tight. And then, with a snarling yell, he stormed forwards as best as he could and rammed the sword deep inside the flames that were about to roast him alive.

The beast nearly exploded.  
A cry was heard among the darkness and fire rained down on Arthur.

Arthur shielded himself with his bare hands, hoping that the steaming water would protect him.  
He almost smacked himself upon his stupidity.  
Freya had given him the power OVER the water. He wasn't merely being protected by it.

So he reached out for the steam and directly send it into the beast.

Yet again, a cry emerged. Deafening screams made Arthur hold his ears tight.

The creature wobbled on it's feet, flaming wings reaching out for Arthur again.

That's when Arthur saw the falcon above the creature. “NOOOOO!”, he could hear Rayleigh cry.  
“It's ARTHUR! You FOUND HIM! Stop Tanus, STOP!”

Arthur froze mid air. Tanus?  
But Tanus was blind with rage. Blind by their own activities, their own feelings and their claws grabbed for Arthur again.

Before Arthur could do anything else, he felt a figure drop from the sky above him.  
Rayleigh was bigger than she had ever been before. Big enough to hold Merlin on her back. And it was him who jumped before Arthur to protect him from the beast. …. Tanus.  
Merlin.... who had no powers here. Merlin, who wouldn't even find a ground to stand on.

Arthur's eyes widened in fear and reached out for him. Merlin's regrets yet again obeyed his will and build a giant hand to catch the warlock.  
Sighing in relief, Arthur made sure to set him down somewhere safe.

Needless to say, Merlin could barely comprehend what just happened, when Arthur let himself down right next to him.  
“Merlin, run!”, Arthur demanded and shielded him protectively.

“Arthur... what on earth...”

“It's a long story. I'll tell you later. What the hell happened to Tanus?”

Merlin swallowed. “It's all my fault.”, he bibbered. “I was so angry at myself. They just ...”  
Arthur swallowed hard, before calmly putting a hand on his friend's shoulder.  
“It's fine. I'll get him to see sense. I promise.”

Arthur looked up with determination. There, were a falcon was catching fire by trying to fight the oversized burning moss ball.  
Who still had a sword stuck in their side. The sword was glowing blue and red and golden.  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like the memory thing is starting to become a reoccurring theme. I gotta stop myself. U guys are here to see new stuff, not warmed up old tales. Though I must say, it's fun digging them up. :)  
> Like... there just are a lot of memories being rewritten here.
> 
> Bonus edit: I added another few sketch dumbs for the characters. Such as Rayleigh, Tanus and the sword.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am ... tired, I thinkXD  
> I kinda really want the story to end. But I also like how it's developing. It's just.... so LONG. Why on earth do I keep doing this to myself?  
> Also, this chapter feels more like Arthur's mind ranting conclusions and interpretations. It was fun to write. I hope you like it XD
> 
> Also, I'ma add a picture of a few sketches I made for the characters and the sword that Arthur was making in the sea. So...  
> Well. You probably wanted to know what Rayleigh looks like too. The sketch looks nothing like my initial thought. But like.... Try to draw exactly what you see in your mind. I can never do it. Can you?

Everything up until this point had felt so slow and stretched in time.  
But the moment Tanus had appeared, everything suddenly happened in the blink of an eye.

The fire was illuminating and dangerous. Hot fiery rage, that's what this was.  
Arthur send Merlin's regrets towards it, hoping they had the power to extinguish the fire.  
Wave after wave of steam, Arthur send it's way, but he was feeling dryer and dryer by the second.

And Merlin, the idiot, was still standing uselessly by Arthur. Watching him with wide eye, because Arthur was using magic to fight a feeling.

A feeling....  
Arthur managed to dodge one of those fiery wings and pushed Merlin away alongside him.  
They were on the bottom of the sea now.  
“Merlin, I said, run!”, Arthur heaved through gritted teeth at Merlin, as they hid behind a wet rock.

“Are you nuts? I can't leave you here!”, Merlin said, an shuddered at the mere thought of leaving Arthur's side.

“Merlin, I'm a warrior!”

“Are you planning to FIGHT this thing?”, Merlin's eyes were wide in shock. As though Arthur had gone insane. “I thought you wanted them to see sense?”  
“Yes. By FIGHTING them!”, Arthur growled back, utterly confused.  
“They are attacking us, Merlin. We HAVE to defend ourselves!”

Merlin's expression slacked. “Didn't you LISTEN to what Gaius said?”

Arthur blinked. “Huh?”  
“Gaius said, NOT to fight these creatures under ANY circumstances! You can't attack them! You have to TALK to them!”

Arthur's jaw dropped, as he considered Merlin's words.  
“Merlin, this … is a giant dragon, made of fire, it's going to kill us.”  
“Arthur -”, Merlin seemed hopeless, with all those tears about to spill in his eyes.  
“Is that what they look like?”

It was quiet for one moment. Arthur blinked with realization. Oh god, he had totally forgotten, Merlin couldn't SEE them. Tanus was but a shadow to him. “Merlin, Tanus is your hatred.”

Merlin quivered.  
“Whatever they are, they're still a PART of me. What do you think happens, when they die?”

Arthur fell silent. They exchanged important glances.  
“What do you suggest. Should we run?”, Arthur asked this incredulously.  
No wonder. The past few hours, he had been facing all kinds of Merlin's regrets to create a weapon that Merlin was supposed to use to destroy his fears.  
Surely, Tanus wasn't his fears. But Merlin's fears followed the same rules as Tanus existence did.  
GOD, Merlin couldn't even SEE them. He didn't even KNOW what they were fighting!

Was there an even bigger monster out there, waiting for them?  
What did Merlin's fear look like? How was he supposed to fight it, without fighting it? Would Merlin even be able to recognize his own fears? (6)

“Arthur, I can not run from myself. I've made decisions I regret.”

“I know.”, Arthur frowned, slightly scared himself.  
“I have to face them eventually.”

“Merlin, this isn't your regrets. This is your hatred. Your anger. Are you planning on getting yourself killed by them?”

Merlin's shivering intensified. Arthur placed a gentle hand on Merlin's shoulders. “You don't have to be scared, Merlin.”

“But I AM!”, Merlin retorted.  
There was a glance in his eyes. As though his words had switched a button a golden light reflected in them. Only shortly.

But Arthur noticed. That.... that was magic. Undeniable magic. It radiated from his eyes like waves. Then, he could hear nothing anymore.  
There was a stillness that settled over the chaos. Deafened the cries of Tanus blazing rage and the sounds Rayleigh made while trying to fight them.  
The golden light grew and grew, bigger and brighter into a bubble of silence.

It was.... it was a barrier.

In that moment, the penny dropped.  
Arthur stared at the golden wall that slowly lost it's color and became invisible. It was the same barrier that had greeted them into this world.

The steam, the power that Arthur had been given, lifted away from him. He would have tried to catch it, if he wasn't rendered motionless and breathless. And he knew that trying to get it back was utterly pointless.

The barrier.  
It had never been created by Rayleigh or Tanus or any of those creatures, had it? Arthur had assumed it had been. But that was not the case, was it?  
No.  
It was a creature, a feeling itself.  
Nothing grew within.

And those shadows? They mostly lived outside the barrier. Why was that? Why had Arthur not wondered about that before? Why the castle had been so empty? Maybe, only those could enter that Merlin trusted.  
Such as his sense for protection. Merlin's confidence in his protecting abilities was big enough to give him some control over his fears.  
Merlin's lights of guidance, his hopes, they lived inside the castle he had build in this world.

His regrets could not enter. Because Merlin was afraid of what he had done.  
Of the decisions he made.  
You needed to be special to get inside Merlin's barrier fears.

Everything inside was quiet and deafened. Because silence was as frightening as it was calming.

Arthur closed his eyes. He was such an idiot. He was so blind.  
“Merlin.”, he said slowly.

Sad man was staring at the barrier in fear, uncertain where it had come from.  
“Are we save now?”, Merlin asked confused, recognizing the barrier for what it was. Not for what it meant.

“Merlin, what are you scared of?”, Arthur ignored Merlin's catching, watching his reaction carefully instead.

Merlin stared back at Arthur, like he had gone mad.  
“Erm, maybe the giant dragon made of hatred and fire? As you so wonderfully described it!”, Merlin didn't understand the question. He looked lost and confused and mildly scandalized by the stupidity of Arthur's question.

“No.”, Arthur shook his head. “No you're not.”  
It dawned on him, why Merlin couldn't use magic. He had a wild guess and he was determined to get to the bottom of his theory.

“Arthur -”

Arthur stood up and left Merlin sitting there, before he braced himself and walked forward.

The barrier, thankfully, was smaller than the other barriers that Merlin had set up inside this realm.  
It took him a few steps to get outside it. Once more, steam entered his lungs. Power flooding through his veins as he breathed in the magic of regret and suffering.  
Of course, of all the magic potential Merlin and him shared, it was this. This... knowledge, this feeling of destiny on your shoulders. The responsibility, the mistakes.  
He could feel the weight of the entire sea sitting right there, on his back. It should be impossible to bear, but Arthur could. Because if there was one thing he had always done, it was bear burdens that were too heavy to bear for one man alone.

Tanus stood before him. Hot and fiery as they had before.

This entire world, Arthur recognized in a sudden moment of clarity, was made of metaphors.

The sea, a salty ocean was made of regrets and tears. Raging and calming, deep, dark, foreboding and impossible to predict.

The kantlitz were guiding lights in the dark. Like the moon and the stars in a quiet night.

The forest was breathing life and calmness. A sensation of hope.

Merlin's home had been represented in five figures that meant the world to him.

Even Rayleigh was a falcon. Merlin's protective side, the side that represented the core of his very nature was a bird. A free spirit. A ….. Arthur huffed as he finally made sense of the joke. A Merlin.

The barrier that “protected” everything Merlin had build in his life with was made of fear. A fragile form of protection, Arthur shuddered.

His hatred was blazing fire. And, as Arthur realized with a frown, it had emerged from a creature made of wood and moss. Things that his father had instructed to use to build pyres.  
And it was lightened by Merlin's hatred for himself and Uther's reign.  
That's how Tanus had been born.  
That's why they were so young. Merlin had never had any reason to hate someone, until the day he saw his first execution in Camelot.

Children might be mad sometimes, but it's never as blazing and raging as this creature was right now.

But never, ever in a million years, could Arthur imagine Merlin hating HIM.

Merlin couldn't dwell on his own regrets, because Arthur gave them meaning. Protecting Arthur gave him power.  
Believing in Arthur gave him strength, purpose and a wise calmness that was so rare in a human being, that Arthur had never managed to conceive how it was MERLIN of all people, who bore that quality.

Merlin was right. They should not be fighting any of these creatures. But they had to face them. ARTHUR had to face them.  
Had to acknowledge who Merlin was. Every single side of him. And accept it. As did Merlin. Because even Merlin was blind to parts if himself.

Merlin was not afraid of his emotions. Merlin had never been afraid of emotions. Merlin was scared that he would be unable to protect Arthur.  
He was scared that his current lack of magic would in the end, be Arthur's doom.  
And in that fear, he had created that barrier. That barrier that took away his powers.

Arthur guessed, that Merlin was only unable to use magic and control it, because he was scared. He had only tried to use magic inside the barrier so far. Just now, his magic had acted up to CREATE that barrier.  
Arthur guessed, that if he would finally step out, he'd be either able to use magic, or be so afraid, he'd create another one around himself. In which he would be unable to use magic again.  
Where using magic would hurt him.

This, of course, was merely a theory. A wild one at that. Arthur's mind had never been such a racing mess. But he knew Merlin.  
Deep, deep down, he knew everything he needed to know about Merlin. There were things – shadows – he couldn't see, of course.

But he could finally see Merlin for who he was. And – Arthur found – he wasn't any different from the Merlin he had always known. Everything he was figuring out just added to that reassurance.

\----------------------------------------

When Tanus noticed Arthur again, they dived for him. Their eyes were wide open, as was their giant snout.

Somewhere, Merlin screamed inside that barrier. But no one could hear him. Because the barrier of fear shielded and silenced him.  
But Arthur – Arthur found himself strangely calm.  
Even as the flames suddenly surrounded him, he didn't feel fear. He closed his eyes instead.

The flames licked at him, and for just a moment, Arthur thought now was the moment he would burn and die. That maybe, he had miscalculated and just doomed himself.

But he didn't. He hadn't. No. Of course he wouldn't die. Of course Merlin would never hurt him.  
Because even his hatred to him, was limited to bickering and banter. And that's exactly what those flames felt like on his skin.  
They felt like fun, excitement. Joy even. That was not hatred. Not at all.

As the sea was made up of many many emotions, memories and regrets, maybe even Tanus was made of more than one emotion. Why else, were their limbs falling off all the time?  
Why else, did they seem so strangely incomplete, no matter in which form?

When Arthur opened his eyes again, Tanus was already stumbling backwards.  
White blazing eyes suddenly turned to black dots again. Confused, Tanus stared down at Arthur. Recognition in their eyes.

And then, another blazing light blinded Arthur's sight.  
Tanus immediately burned up. Ashes covering the sky, as they shrunk and shrunk and....  
A staff, not unlike the one Tanus had held in their hands the moment they met, clanked to the ground. Right in front of Arthur's feet. It fell from where Tanus returned to their own body.

Arthur stared at the staff. He knew that glowing light coming from the crystal at the top. He recognized the dragon that twirled around it protectively.  
He knew that watery metallic silver that was it's hilt. And the vines, he thought, must have been added when the sword had been forged in a dragon's breath.  
Well... a fiery dragon's burning body made of hatred... but also joy?

The sword had been molten into a quarterstaff. A weapon – no – a tool. Worthy of only one man.  
Merlin.

Arthur bend down to pick it up and twirled it around.

Suddenly, coughing noises erupted from a small creatures mouth. They were coughing out smoke and ashes and their limbs were made of wilting and unwilting leafs.

“Hi, Tanus.”, Arthur smiled at them and patted them on the shoulder.  
Just a few minutes ago, Arthur had been so determined to fight and kill them. He had been so scared.  
It was ironic, Arthur thought. Merlin must have been incredibly scared of the pyre himself. Of everything Tanus represented. And yet, Tanus as well, had always been able to pass the barrier of fear. Sneaky and unseen by Merlin.

Arthur wondered why. Maybe Merlin needed his hatred in a way that other people didn't understand. Maybe he needed his hatred to be able to fight the evil that dared overthrow Arthur.

His hatred wasn't directed at magic users, or Camelot. It was directed at those who abused their powers.  
Maybe, Merlin's hatred was meant for Morgana. Maybe, this time it had inflamed because Merlin thought he was abusing his own powers. His powers that were about to destroy everything he had build up.  
Maybe, he was also afraid of all that.

And that, Arthur concluded, must be the reason why he could always see Tanus and the barrier.  
It must also be the reason why Merlin couldn't see Tanus himself.  
Merlin didn't recognize them as hatred.  
Merlin didn't see hatred in magic.

Because.... that's not what magic was.

Arthur inspected Tanus and reconsidered everything he knew about magic. And about Tanus.

Not everyone's eyes here were golden. The memory people's eyes weren't. Tanus's eyes weren't. They were black dots. Nothing more.  
Maybe, because hatred wasn't a magical emotion. As regrets weren't either.  
Maybe emotions itself weren't magical at all.  
Maybe Merlin had just granted some of his emotions the courtesy of using magic. Because ….. maybe that was the choice you could make as someone who was born with magic.  
And NOT given the choice NOT to use magic at all.

Merlin chose HOW to use it. And his hatred …. his hatred was given the right to admire magic.  
Was allowed to nurture it. But never, to use it.

“Hi.”, Tanus said back. Disoriented in their position.

“It's good to have you back.”, Arthur said and felt how the regrets started to rain down on them, instead of the fire.  
It was calming in a strange way.

Tanus looked down in shame. They didn't say anything.  
And finally, Rayleigh landed next to them both, as Merlin finally found the courage to run passed the barrier towards them as well.

Arthur grabbed the staff tightly, receiving nothing but odd looks from everyone around them.  
“I think, we should get back to the castle.  
I'm tired. We could all need some rest.”

“I don't think it would be wise for me to...”  
“Nonsense, Tanus. We're going back.”, Arthur decided. And waved a hand. All three of his companions were suddenly grabbed by the water around them, all while Arthur was gently lifted by it from beneath him.  
Soon, they were placed back on the shore. The calm sea being filled calmy be the rain around them.  
The surface, reflected about a hundred million of sleeping kantliz in the sky. None of the drops managed to disturbe the silence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (6) I would like to point out, that I have totally forgotten that Merlin can't see Tanus. It may have occurred that Merlin does describe Tanus in this story before this moment.  
> I have not gone back to check on it. Please forgive me for that possible mistake. I've had a long, eventful week and had basically no time to focus on the story. I hope it still makes sense.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> errrrrrm..... let's just say I don't know what's happening anymore. I'm just rolling with everything here.   
> I think I kinda lost the meaning behind everything that's happening in Merlin's mind.   
> Then again, do YOU know everything that's happening in YOUR mind? If so.....  
> Wtf is wrong with you?  
> Ok. soory.   
> I'm in a strange mood. I think I've went through five different genres of fanfiction brainstorming for other stories that I have already forgotten, since the last chapter.   
> Which is always a sign that I should stop this story. But it's not done.   
> And it won't be until chapter..... urgh, heck If I know.   
> Anyways, I want a pet kantliz. Anyone else? I don't even know what that word means. ...... I gotta shut up. Have fun :)

A week passed in less than the blink of an eye. Quite literally, if you ask Gaius, who was standing right where they left him. Still and unmoving. He's eyelids didn't even flinch yet. Which is why we're not talking about him. Not like he could answer like that.   
*clears throat* ahem. 

Anyway.....

It's not like Arthur had planned for them to stay this long. In fact, he would love to leave much much sooner.   
As much as Arthur thought he understood about this world now, there were many more things he had yet to figure out. 

To be honest, they weren't really interesting enough for him to extend their stay.   
But they were a god damn amazing excuse to stay without making Merlin worry it was HIS fault. 

Which, in a way, it kind of was. 

Merlin was still unable to use magic. And as pressing as Arthur still felt the premise of their foreboding last battle against Morgana in the real world, he had no reasonable argument to leave now.   
Because time was passing differently in this world. And they couldn't risk going back with Merlin being close to useless.   
After all, it was quite clear now, that it was never Arthur who was supposed to gain the knowledge over magic here.   
No. It was Merlin. Merlin had to regain his abilities, so that Arthur and his knights would have at least, a small chance of surviving.

Arthur tried to keep calm, as he thought of Gwen and the knights and how terrified they were in this very moment.   
Arthur had cheated himself out of the pressing time limit.   
The least he could do was use it to their advantage. Which ironically meant to start train his.... magic. 

Every day, since the ocean incident, Arthur – instead of sword training, as he would have had during this time of day in the real world – went down to the beach and focused on the water.   
The regrets, the pain. All those images in Arthur's head of Merlin's memories had not disappeared. And the more he played with the water and tried to shape it to his will, the more he was allowed to see. Small figures of water would play before him. And replay a scene or moment in Merlin's life.   
There were some moments where Merlin was playing with friends and hurt them on accident with his magic.   
There were other moments, when he actively used it to hurt somebody. Active in, he had no other choice but do this.

Sometimes, Rayleigh accompanied him. She would sit beside him and watch and maybe comment on Arthur's own emotional state.  
Because getting invested in someone elses heart is bound to twist your feelings.  
When regret is all you face in another person, pity and even self doubt becomes a casual companion of yours.   
Rayleigh just did her job as protector of the realm and kept him out of accidentally (and literally) drowning himself.   
While also avoiding to touch the waters herself. 

Tanus had.... well. Tanus had locked themselves in their room.   
They may be Arthur's guide, but they were unwilling to face him. Or anyone, for that matter.   
Since they remembered/ recognized who they were, they had not dared to speak or at least eat.   
Much like... well, Merlin. 

Every time Arthur returned from his not so secret training exercise, he found Merlin draped all over a table in the royal library.   
He was reading about magic. Which.... was strange. Since this world could hardly know more about magic than Merlin himself, right?

Or was that another one of those twisted mysteries of this world?

Anyway. The staff, which Arthur had so carefully constructed for Merlin, uselessly lay beside him. It was glowing as bright as before. But it was, apparently, powerless.   
Merlin couldn't channel magic through it, and if he could, he wouldn't, out of fear to destroy a part of himself.

Arthur knew that, because he had sat Merlin down the day after the ocean incident and briefed him in on what he had seen.   
After all, this was Merlin's mind, so to speak.   
Everything Arthur saw was a part of secrets that Merlin had good reasons to keep.   
Arthur was certain of that more than ever, because only minutes ago, he had seen a couple of regret visions that showed executions and people dying of sicknesses that Arthur was certain Merlin could have saved with his magic.   
In fact, the moment he saw Gaius in those visions, more or less ordering Merlin to stay quiet and out of sight, he had felt a sudden rush of anger himself. 

How could a man like Gaius, a mentor, a physician, an advisor to the most royal people in the entire kingdom, advice someone he treated as a son, to abandon people in need?

Then the realization washed over Arthur, that Gaius must have made that sacrifice many times, for people who were less important than Merlin.  
The fact that Gaius let sorcerer's burn under Uther's orders had saved and protected his own life for years. And given him a position, where he could tone down the king's hatred or avert his eyes from obvious magical threats. 

Arthur wondered, what the outcome of that behavior may way. Did Gaius save more people than he let die? Or was it the other way around.   
He really didn't want to count. 

Once more, Arthur passed Merlin in the library, where he had fallen asleep at one of the round reading tables.   
Arthur smiled at the strange sight. The desks didn't fit into this room. But they were certainly inspired by the round table Arthur had introduced to Camelot years prior. 

Merlin was heaving a little and Arthur noticed dark shadows under his eyes.   
For a moment, Arthur wasn't sure if Merlin had been awake all week, without Arthur noticing, or if that was just a tiny creature Arthur had yet to introduce himself to. 

Obviously, it was the former.   
Arthur sighed, before leaning over and trying to read what was written on the book pages. 

For a moment, all he saw was dark pages of gibberish, when suddenly, the book snapped shut and rose to too tiny ink black feet.   
Unsurprised by the suddenly alive object, Arthur merely tilted his head. He surely had gotten used to this place rather fast. 

“HELOW!”, the book beamed at him, like a torch light. It's voice was strained and quirky and Arthur disliked it immediately. 

“Hello.”, Arthur grimaced at the voice.   
“SWEEET knowledche, do you want?”, it held out a hat like a street performer who was begging for coins.   
“What the hell?”, Arthur murmured and sat down on the next chair, before eyeing the book curiously.   
“I'ch have it. EVERYtHiN' you neeeeeeed, good Sir. Do you want it? Do you want Knoooowledche?”  
If Arthur had ever met a person who was selling illegal drugs to random people on the street, it would have reminded him of this dude. 

“I'm sure, I've learned enough these past few days. Thank you.”, Arthur sighed. Why was Merlin's mind so weird?

“No no no. That won't do. Everrry knowlegche comes with it's price.”, he was rolling his r's and twirling an inky finger around... was that a fucking mustache?!?!?!?!? (7)  
He had some kind of dialect, but Arthur couldn't make out what kind of country it came from.   
Or whom he had heard talk like this. Ever.   
Actually, Arthur was pretty sure that no human being would ever talk like this.   
He talked like a font. Like you know.... a typographic font. He talked like a very fancy and cursive set of letters.  
Now you can imagine. 

“What kind of knowledge?”, Arthur asked, which made the book cackle. Happy that his scheme had apparently worked on Arthur.  
“Yaees, goood queschtion, sir. Pay me, and I shall give it to you's.”

Arthur blinked and sighed in exasperation. “What's the price?”  
“Secrets.”, he whispered back. 

Arthur frowned. “I have no secrets from Merlin.”  
“TheRe aRe things you not tell. Tell MEEE.”

Arthur blinked in confusion. Then he looked at his hands. Then at Merlin, who was still sleeping soundly, and he wondered if this information went straight into the book for Merlin to read later on. Or if that was even necessary. 

“I erm...”, Arthur wondered what this thing wanted to hear. Should he even listen to the book or should he grab it and tear out the pages he wanted to read?  
Paying for knowledge, yeah ri......  
Wait a second. 

Arthur blinked. Merlin had come to Camelot, completely uneducated on magic and the like. Even though he was magic and could use it to his hearts content, he knew very little about it.   
What prices did Merlin pay to gather knowledge over just the bare minimum of spells?

“When we get back to Camelot and somehow survive Morgana, I will repeal the ban on magic.”, Arthur finally said. His eyes almost unblinking.   
It was meant to be a surprise for Merlin, but really, it wasn't that big of a secret to keep from the man. 

He would know sooner rather than later anyway. 

“Gud. Very guuud.”, the book sang and twirled on it's axis. Then it fell before Arthur, pages wide open.   
Only now did Arthur notice that the ink, which he had previously thought was gibberish, was just a whole wool of shadows.   
Shadows that now aligned into words and then... sentences.

“Two sides of a coin,   
back to back.  
You're blind to each other.   
And the powers you wield.”

Arthur stared at it. Was this a poem?  
Irritated, he shook his head and then tried to flip the page.   
“AHA! Not so fast, young man. Another secret. I need a SECRET.”, the book asked and caught Arthur's hand between his pages. 

Accusingly the eyeless leather bound book stared at Arthur.   
Arthur cursed himself.   
“Well, I would never, under any circumstances admit this, but I could never replace Merlin as my manservant.   
It happened twice. One time, because I wanted to annoy him. As a result, Camelot almost got taken over by Cornelius Sigan.   
The other time, Merlin was gone for two days and I was stuck with.... George.”, Arthur shuddered at the name.   
“It's like Merlin was always meant to be there. And I am glad that he is.”, Arthur nodded at himself and hoped half heartedly, that Merlin never heard this. 

The book relaxed and the papers fell apart from each other. Finally, Arthur managed to flip the page. 

“Two halves, two worlds.   
Guide each other, not yourself.”

“Alright, seriously? TWO sentences is what that got me?  
What else do you want to hear?”, Arthur felt a little frustrated. 

The book cackled again, causing Arthur to roll his eyes. “I'm doing my best here, okay? Merlin is hurt and I am getting WORRIED with his health condition. He still can't use magic without it hurting him.   
He doesn't sleep, he doesn't eat and Tanus isn't better either.   
How can I protect Merlin, if he's not even save with his own mind?”

The page turned itself.   
“When truth comes to light,   
the shadows disappear.”

Arthur sighed, then got up. This was useless. Why was magic always so complicated? Riddles over riddles over riddles. He was SICK of it.   
The last one wasn't even a difficult one.   
He already KNEW that. 

Arthur sighed, then he shook his head, and stood up. Then he shook Merlin awake.   
“Hmm?”, Merlin made, but hardly stirred in his slumber.   
“Merlin, if you're this tired, you should go back to your room and sleep.”  
Once more, Arthur nudged him, but Merlin just groaned. 

“'Not tired.”, he murmured, obviously lying.   
“Come on, Merlin. Up you go.”, Arthur sighed, then attempted to heave Merlin up.   
If only Arthur was able to use his magic connection with the waters to lift him.... it would be so much easier.   
But no... Merlin was heavier than he looked.   
And he didn't wake up, as Arthur half dragged, half heaved him through the corridor's and thanked the god's for the kantliz, because he would be quite incapable of holding a torch right now. 

He left the cackling book behind. Clearly, it was composing another grand scheme of useless sentences and annoyed some of the few servants that were allowed in this castle. 

After Merlin was finally settled in his room, which, as Arthur noticed looked quite different to his own, Arthur put a thin blanket over his servant and stood up with relief.   
Then he looked around in the room.   
There weren't any books here. Instead, there was a table full of vials and glasses and strange objects that resembled some of the equipment that Gaius had stored in his own chambers.

There was a giant poster with leafs hung next to Merlin's bed.   
The leafs and the trees on it looked rather alive. Like they were about to jump out of the white linen any time soon.   
Which, Arthur noticed irritated, was quite the description.   
The trees and leafs had tiny faces and whisper sang the songs of the wind. 

Arthur shook his head and then left, leaving a finally properly asleep Merlin behind. 

\-----------------------------------

“What do you want.”  
Arthur hadn't knocked. He found it rather pointless to knock on a locked door. Not because he thought people didn't deserve privacy or anything.   
But, because he knew Tanus had hidden in this room for days and wouldn't even answer, should he knock.   
Tanus had lost the right of being alerted by Arthur. 

So Arthur had asked Rayleigh, who was picking at bird food in the dinner room of the castle, for a feather and used it's magical abilities to open the door. 

Dark dots were illuminated by the light of the moon and a few kantliz and appeared almost purple in the darkness. 

“To talk.”, Arthur answered.  
Tanus's room wasn't too far from Arthur's own. Actually, it was right over it. 

“About what.” Tanus wasn't asking questions, they were demanding answers. 

“The burning version of yourself. Are you calm now?”

Tanus gritted their teeth and turned around. They seemed bitter and angry and ashamed.   
Arthur knew why. Clearly, everyone would know by just glancing at them.   
The day Arthur had met them, Tanus had admitted to not knowing who they were. And they had been gushing over Merlin the entire time.   
Being so happy to finally meet him. To (allegedly) be his guide. To have so much in common with the man that created their very existence. 

And then the disappointment, when Merlin couldn't see them.   
The shame, when they found out, they were more Pendragon than Emrys.   
And the the absolute terror of finding out they were hatred incarnate. 

“Fuck you, Arthur.”, Tanus growled and hid even deeper in the room. 

Arthur visibly rolled his eyes. “Look, I understand how you feel -”

“Really.”, Tanus growled. “And that makes it better, how? Ooo, I'm so sorry Arthur, that you TOO know what it's like to be seen as a tyrant.   
That you know what it's like to be a monster to the people you love and want to protect.   
I feel so much better, knowing I'm not alone, terrifying my friends. Thank you so much.”  
The sarcasm rolled off their tongue easier than anything else Arthur had ever heard them say. 

Tanus looked away and closed their eyes. 

“Tanus, nobody is terrified of you.”, Arthur closed the door behind him and mindlessly petted the glowing kantliz on his shoulder.   
The tiny things were quite attached to him. Which had been annoying at first. But Arthur found them quite adorable and useful now.   
They were always sleeping and so puffy, like tiny birds. They hardly ever sad anything. They usually just giggled and glowed brightly. 

“Really.”, Tanus clearly didn't believe him. 

“Really.”, Arthur nodded and sat down on the cold wooden floor. Tanus's room was full of plants, he noticed. The were practically everywhere. Even their bed was made of ivy.   
There was nothing in this room that wasn't green, except for the red robes they were wearing. 

Tanus waited for an explanation, but Arthur just sighed.   
“Look. Emotions can influence each other. But they can't really die. Even if you went overboard and affected all the other parts of Merlin, there is no harm done.   
Merlin has already recovered. Things are fine.   
The only person in this realm, you could ACTUALLY hurt, is ME. And you stopped your rant as soon as your attention was directed at me. 

It's okay. YOU'RE okay.”  
Arthur looked at them earnestly. He had thought about this long and hard and come to the conclusion that this entire world was just like the bizarre fantasy world of a psychological nature. 

“I'm not okay.”, Tanus mumbled and closed their eyes. “I am literally, HATRED, Arthur.”

“Nobody is ever just one thing.”, Arthur said and noticed in surprise that the kantliz had tiny ears at the back of their head. It seemed to like the attention, because their colors suddenly shifted from blue to yellowish bright.   
Huh..... interesting. 

Tanus looked up, disbelieve evident in their eyes.

Arthur rolled his eyes.   
“Look. If you were only hatred, you'd have burned the entire time. From the moment we met up until now.   
But you're not on fire right now. You're mad and agitated, that's why your leafs and stuff is wilting all the time.   
But most of the time, you're pretty calm and stable. 

The reason, why you didn't hurt me that day, was because Merlin doesn't hate me. I felt what he felt, when you almost ate me. Your fire wasn't even painful.   
I don't know if that's because of me, or if that's a general thing, but I am pretty sure you are more than just hatred.   
It certainly didn't feel like being burned alive. It burned, but in a ….”, Arthur frowned at himself. “A funny way.”, he tried. 

Because it did feel like he was having fun that day, didn't it? The fire, he meant. 

Tanus seemed confused. “A fun way.”, they repeated in disbelieve. 

“What can I say?”, Arthur shrugged. “The barrier is Merlin's fears. Barriers are supposed to protect. Yet, Rayleigh is Merlin's protection.   
I think everyone here is more than one thing. Maybe you're not really emotions at all. Maybe you are just versions and perspectives of Merlin's mind with a FOCUS on certain emotions.   
I don't know, I'm not a therapist.   
But I do know, you're not hatred incarnate, Tanus.”

Arthur shrugged again. Honestly, at this point, he didn't understand how he was the only person here who saw all those things.   
Wasn't ARTHUR usually the oblivious one?

“I...”, Tanus blinked rapidly, as though they were trying to blink away tears.   
“What else can fire be?”

“I don't know? Compassion? Excitement? Merlin is many things. But he's always forced himself to be calm, for the kingdom's sake. And – I guess, for his destiny.  
Maybe that's why you think yourself so weak.   
And why you're so tiny.”, Arthur grinned to tease Tanus. 

Tanus, however, was staring at him, tears in their eyes that had spilled only moments ago.   
Their tears, for some reason, looked like molten gold.   
Maybe it was the light, Arthur thought. 

They wiped them away.   
Then, they smiled. “Maybe.... maybe it's not so bad being a little like you.”, Tanus grinned at him. 

Arthur blinked. 

'Guide each other, not yourself.' “Oh....”, Arthur made and grabbed his own forehead.   
“Tanus, -”, he said and smiled encouragingly. Once more, Tanus tilted their head.   
“I think you were supposed to be Merlin's guide after all.”

“And why is....”

“I think Merlin might have forgotten how much of a child he actually is. I think -”, Arthur grinned and Tanus looked extremely hopeful.   
“We have to show him that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (7) This is what happens, when I don't write for three days straight. God have mercy on us.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not gonna lie...... I did drink a little. I know it's the early morning and it's not healthy, but I have like... three sips of rum left in my bottle, which I've been working on for an entire month XD  
> Any my dog is sick and brother is bying a house.... seriously man, you're 23 how can you afford.... whatever.   
> Anyway. I should probably not post this without rereading.   
> But I randomly decided this will be the second to last chapter. Next chapter, we will have Arthur and Merlin facing Morgana. I know I kinda rushed it at this point, but I am kinda tired of this story. I want to move on, before I get tired of my other ideas as well. 
> 
> Fun fact: I work at a printing factory and someone just threw away half their book collection in one of our container. I found like... three arthurian legend books by lawhead in there. I mean... you can buy them for 2 $ on amazon at the moment, but hey.... free books are free books XD  
> I'm only missing one of them, which should be on the move right now. Maybe I'll finally get to read again. I dunno.   
> Anyway... I hope this piece of trash of a story is still enjoyable to you. Again, I want it to be over. So i'm kinda rushing the story along.

Merlin was clearly tired. Even though he had slept through the entire night and morning, the rings under his eyes had only worsened. 

They were standing in a slight wind on top of a hill, right outside the barrier.   
Tanus, Rayleigh and Arthur stood there as well.   
Enjoying his time outside the protection of fear, Arthur was playing with water again. 

It had been him who introduced the idea of Tanus teaching Merlin to the servant. Merlin didn't really care anymore at this point, he just nodded. 

What else could he do? He was staring at a shadow. He wouldn't even know how to defend himself. Even with the staff clutched to his side.   
“Arthur, why exactly are we here? Am I supposed to do something?”, Merlin looked nervous, if still willing to follow Arthur's request. 

Arthur sighed, then let the water drop back to the ground. Apparently the sea water wasn't just confined in the sea, it was everywhere.   
Every plant, every living creature had been soaked by the stuff. And Arthur was able to draw it out from everyone.   
What that meant? Arthur didn't really know. Maybe he had the ability to take away Merlin's sorrows somehow.   
At least, he liked to interpret this world that way. 

“Merlin, please try to use magic.”

Merlin blinked at him. “Arthur ...”, he said and paused. But then he shook his head, deciding to trust Arthur's request and concentrated on the floor beneath him.   
He pointed his hands at the ground and murmured something. 

For a second, gold flashed in his eyes... Then, as if burned, he collapsed again.  
As he had the first time he tried to use magic in this world.   
Arthur had anticipated this. As he had what followed. 

From Merlin's eyes, a golden wave errupted. It swallowed all four of them in a giant magical bubble. Which caused Rayleigh and Tanus to gasp in shock. 

“What on...”, Rayleigh asked. Arthur blinked. They hadn't known this?   
Okay, to be fair, that made sense. Merlin didn't know, so of course his magic mind creatures wouldn't either. 

“I'm pretty sure -”, Arthur sighed and frowned at the loss of his own magic abilities. The water had lifted with the barrier once again.   
“That the only thing holding you back from using magic is actually yourself. You're scared to use it . Or... something like that.   
If you want to use magic again, you have to let go of your fears.”

Everyone present turned towards Arthur, like he had just declared he was lifting the ban on magic. 

“What?”, Merlin asked dumbfounded.   
“Merlin, this barrier is a fear of yours. I don't exactly know what you are afraid of or since when it's been there.   
But I believe it's not good for you. This barrier protects you from your regrets, but it also blocks you from doing anything at all. 

And I think, Tanus here might be the key to defeat that barrier.”

Merlin stared at him, then at the quarterstaff that Arthur had instructed him to bring along. 

“If you think, I would fight my fears...”

Arthur shook his head. “No. You were right. There is no point in fighting who you are. I don't think there is anyone in this entire world who would ever succeed at such a thing.   
All we can do, as people, as humans, is accept what we are.   
Mistakes and flaws and all.   
But if you truly want to be great, if you want to protect Camelot, you have to believe in yourself. “

Merlin stared at Arthur, like he had gone mad. 

Tanus was getting nervous. All the meaningful looks, and none of them dared to interrupt the king.   
“How is Tanus supposed to be the key to that?”, Merlin asked. His hopes were completely directed at Arthur now.   
Maybe, because Arthur had observed everything he could and seemingly had all the answers.   
The truth was, Arthur was making all of this up.   
Like he knew Merlin had with Excalibur. That didn't mean it wasn't true though. 

“You have focused your mind on protecting Camelot. On protecting me, for years. It's all you see anymore.”, Arthur pointed at Rayleigh, who straightened her back at being mentioned.   
“I think you've gone blind to your love for magic. And I think that might be my fault. And I believe, that's why you can't see Tanus.”  
Tanus looked up. Eyes wide, as they took those words in. 

“Tanus is.... but you said they were.... Arthur?”, Merlin tilted his head in confusion, before redirecting his gaze at Tanus. 

“I thought they were your hatred too. At first. But then I realized what the difference is between Rayleigh and them.   
Rayleigh protects me like a hawk. Rayleigh thinks of Camelot and that makes her strong and overprotective of me and only me. 

Tanus however.... Tanus favors you. Tanus favors magic above Camelot. Tanus hates me for treating magic like a disease for years.   
Like an enemy.   
I think, maybe, just maybe, if you hadn't turned your back on yourself, if you hadn't thrown away your own regards for safety and your believe in yourself and your abilities, you could see them. And if you did, you wouldn't be afraid.”

The wind that passed through was so chilling, Arthur could feel the tiny hair on his neck stand upright.   
Merlin's eyes widened, as they teared up, little by little. 

Only now, did Arthur notice Tanus reaction as well. Tanus was a perfect mirror of Merlin's expression. 

Arthur smirked inwardly.   
He had been right. 'Guide each other, not yourself.'  
That line ….

Rayleigh and Tanus were both parts of Merlin. They were both meant to be guides.   
And they had taught Arthur everything he needed to know about magic.   
The thing is, this wasn't supposed to be one sided.   
Arthur wasn't just meant to be guided. 

Neither Tanus, nor Rayleigh were meant to guide Merlin. Arthur was. 

How Arthur realized that? Well... everything here had been focusing on him and him alone.   
Merlin's situation had been noted, but ignored.  
By everyone but Arthur himself.   
It was time to return a favor. 

Rayleigh seemed rather lost, actually. She was standing there, like someone had forgotten to include her in this emotional moment. 

“Merlin, you are the most powerful warlock this world has ever known.You are magic. And you are Emrys. Believe in yourself. You cannot loose what you are. ”

Arthur stepped closer and made Merlin grab the quarterstaff with both hands.   
Then he stepped back and watched. 

The golden hue around them flickered, as did Merlin's eyes. His staff was glowing blue and bright, and when Merlin closed his eyes in anticipation, Arthur could practically feel him concentrating on his magic.   
Merlin wasn't fighting it, he was letting go.   
Because, to be yourself, means, to let go of everything that isn't.   
Of everything you dislike, of everything you doubt. 

Merlin took a deep breath and grabbed the staff tighter. And when he opened his eyes, Tanus's eyes were golden.   
Not fiery golden like before. Simply golden. Molten gold.   
Golden flowers emerged from their hands, their arms, every visible part of their body and then, Merlin gasped. 

He saw them. 

“But-”, Rayleigh started, as the barrier fell away. Fear was written all over her face, as they all noticed the waters rising from the sea right below the cliff behind them. 

“Arthur, Merlin has to STOP!”, she suddenly exclaimed, turning all the attention to her. She was terrified. Seeing magic rise to the surface.   
It was rising faster and faster and Arthur kind of understood her concern. 

Last time the water had gotten this high, it had crashed against the barrier, stopped by it from destroying the Castle.   
But now, the barrier was gone. 

“Arthur?”, Merlin asked worried. Slight fear overtaking his features. 

Arthur held out his arm.   
“Let it come.”, he decided, as even Tanus stood between them now. 

“Arthur my regrets, isn't this too much? I -”, Merlin grew more and more worried.   
Arthur only feared that the barrier may come back.   
“Believe.”, Arthur said instead and closed his eyes.   
Merlin, trusting Arthur more than Rayleigh's confused and worried comments, followed his example. 

Seconds later, the cliff was flooded with water and regrets. 

And darkness overcame them. 

….

One would think the darkness and the burden of regrets would flood them somewhere. It would be overwhelming and heavy and destroying.   
But Arthur already knew he could breathe. 

Instead of weight, he felt himself be light and deafened in the darkness of the ocean.   
Because now there was no denying that's what the sea was at this point.   
Everything was drowned in it's depths. 

The castle, the forest, everything and everyone. Yet, Arthur felt comforted by it.   
By it's promise to keep him safe. By the trust Arthur had in the sea and the sea in him. Arthur could control it and stop it from throwing his friends all over the magical realm. 

Arthur caught his companions struggling to breathe. Rayleigh was choking, as were Tanus and Merlin.   
With a sigh, Arthur swam over and put two hands on Merlin's shoulder.   
Choking on the water, trying to hold his breath, Merlin stared at him with wide eyes, as if he was asking how Arthur could be so calm. 

Arthur laughed, clearly breathing in the seemingly deadly substance around them.   
Merlin's eyes widened even further.   
“Calm down. Trust yourself.”, Arthur said and it echoed in the ocean.   
“Trust in your magic.”, Arthur added after a short pause of terror radiating from his servants face. 

Tanus was the first to recover. They heard Arthur loud and clear. Instead of panicking and insulting him, Tanus closed their eyes, hesitated for one moment... and then they took a deep breath.   
For a moment it looked like a mistake. Tanus mouth was open, the water and air colliding in their lungs making them cough out loud.   
But then, small airy bubbles rose above their mouth and then they could breathe. 

“See?”, Arthur grinned. As Rayleigh watched the two of them and mimicked their behavior.   
Rayleigh, above all of the creatures, trusted magic. Trusted Merlin to use it to protect Arthur.   
They had to figure it out.   
But Merlin still shook his head. 

“Merlin, breathe!”, Arthur said calmly. Merlin struggled against Arthur's grip and tried to swim up up up.   
The staff was forgotten next to him. It was the only light source they had. 

Arthur grabbed it and poked Merlin in the side.   
He understood how Merlin felt. The ocean felt.... icy. In a way. It was the complete opposite if Tanus certain rage the day they had become a dragon. 

You could feel the regrets, the past on your shoulders. Arthur certainly did. But he also knew it was worth it. The pain was worth carrying for all the good it had accomplished.   
Tanus's golden leafs and flowers just proved his point. They shimmered bright by the reflected light of the staff. 

“Merlin, I trust you.”, Arthur said and managed to make Merlin gasp.   
But..... he wasn't trusting himself. So he was actually drowning. He choked and Arthur knew, if the sea wasn't washing them away. Merlin would be crying tears underwater. 

“Merlin, this is the past. You will do better. I know you will, because you already have! YOU are my servant. And I owe you. I trust you more than anyone else. Please trust me too.”, Arthur said, no, demanded.   
Merlin stilled in mid water.   
For a moment, Arthur feared the worst. Until he heard the unmistakably rattling noise of a wet breath being inhaled. 

Merlin coughed as his body sank down to the floor. 

Merlin turned to Arthur, shocked beyond believe that he could actually breathe. 

“There you go.”, Arthur grinned and swam around him. In this familiar and terrifying terrain. Arthur wondered, if a world made of his own conscience would feel the same. If he had a sea as well.   
If he would feel welcome there.   
Or maybe, this world was different than what Gaius had thought and explained it to be. 

Maybe this world was merged from the minds who entered it.   
Maybe there was more than one of these worlds.  
Maybe..... Merlin and Arthur were just lucky to have stranded here together, because they were two sides of the same coin. 

“Merlin, everything in this realm, everything magic, is connected to you. Everything THEY can do, YOU can do. This is who you are.   
You are protective -”, Arthur pointed at Rayleigh, “- you love magic.”, he pointed at Tanus.   
“You are not meant to destroy yourself. You have a power you cannot yet conceive of.   
We can defeat Morgana. Together.”

Merlin stared at Arthur, eyes wide, but he nodded fiercely. “Okay.”, he said. 

And then the miracle of miracles happened. The sea shrank once more. The flood was over and Arthur and Merlin seemingly smoothly, landed back on their feet on the ground. 

When the air hit their faces once again and they stood in the water up to only their ankles, Merlin choked a sob. “Arthur, I'm not sure I can protect you.”

Arthur shook his head.   
“Of course you can.”

“You are destined to die at Camlann. A druid seer gave his life to give me that information. They are never wrong, Arthur.”, Merlin shook his head in disbelieve and fear and self doubt. 

“Then, you have to get stronger.”, Arthur simply concluded. 

“How?”

“We have all the time in the world.”, Arthur nodded at him. And pointed at the world around them.   
“Let's use it.”

\------------------------------------------------------------------

Time skip, because I have no intention to write this story longer than necessary. Dun dun duuuuun

\---------------------------------------------------------------

Finally, after fifty years – quite literally, if you ask Arthur and Merlin – Gaius managed to close his mouth and blink. 

Fifty years, and yet, not a second had passed.   
Merlin and Arthur were suddenly back in Gaius chambers. Surprise was evident on their faces, but they nodded at each other, upon realizing that nothing had changed.   
At least, nothing they would have noticed. 

Gaius looked at them, slightly confused. After all, nothing had changed for him.   
“Did it work?”, Gaius asked confused, as Arthur took a deep breath and directed his hands at the ground.   
He murmured something, only to give up in confusion. 

“I certainly don't have any magic in this world.”, he said and smiled sadly, but clearly not surprised. Before noticing Gaius and smiling greatly at him. 

“Hello Gaius, long time no see!”

That, seemingly, as well as the bone crushing hug Merlin just gave him, answered Gaius question. 

“It's so good to see you, Gaius.”

“Merlin, we have no time for this. Morgana is on the run, remember? I know it's been a long time, but I'm serious...”

“Yes, yes, fine.”, Merlin chuckled and rolled his eyes. 

“What are you waiting for. Go and find out what she's planning at Camlann exactly.”, Arthur made a few shooing noises and Merlin rolled his eyes AGAIN. 

“Alright you prat.”, he grinned and, without a question, without saying anything, without TESTING anything, Merlin turned on his heel and into a giant …. small falcon. 

He flapped with his wings a little, before jumping back on Arthur's shoulder. 

Gaius nearly fell forwards onto his face at the sight. His eyes certainly almost fell out of his sockets. Gaius's jaw fell a little, but then he cleared his throat.

“I.... er.... I suppose it went well?”

The small falcon turned to him, as did Arthur. “Oh it did. Been there for a long time.”, Arthur nodded and grinned, before stroking Merlin's feather.   
“Now.... up you go. Rayleigh would kill you, if she knew you'd not be protecting me while in this form. So go.”

Merlin glared at him, but then crowed and flew out the open window. 

“Now then...”, Arthur rubbed his hands. “I think we have a sorceress to defeat.”

Gaius jaw fell open once more.   
“Of.... of course, Sire.”


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ............ I know this is a rushed ending. But it's over. That's all that matters. Finally time for one shots again. YEAH.   
> I hope it's not too bad. But hey. It's free. You have paid me time you will never get back. HAHAHAHA.   
> It really hope it was worth it XD was it?

There is a certain misconception about relationships.

We all have thoughts we never talk about. Not for a lack of trust (not necessarily), but for a lack of time. Or – as it is in most cases – a lack awareness. 

Every time someone explains themselves, they will forget something they ought to mention.   
Sometimes it's something unimportant. Sometimes, it's a vital part of an argument.   
Fact is, there is always something missing. 

This doesn't just count for discussions, it also counts for buying things, for getting a job, for briefings, for everything really.   
There is always information we lack to mention. That we forget to tell, or that has been forgotten to be given. Or that we eventually have to learn with time. 

This phenomena happens, because we're human. And we can't process or recall everything that's going on in our mind at once. 

This is the reason, why comments like: “what you did was stupid”, or “you should have known” or similar criticism isn't really helping anyone. People just feel bad for not knowing stuff.   
Or forgetting things – or simply – for having gotten used to something so much, you don't realize it was a factor at all.

Often, when someone is exposed to such comments a lot, they tend to end up over explaining themselves, or asking too many questions. The person will often find themselves in a situation, where they feel they are annoying to everyone around them.   
This phase is often either worked through, or driven to a point, where the person in question stops talking altogether. Realizing that no matter how much they say, people won't really understand anyway.

They are not wrong. People often lack the sense to understand precisely what you mean.  
I think that's important to know when you look at another person.   
You can resolve part of the issue, by listening. 

I think, what we often have to learn is, that it's okay that we can be overly compassionate in our self expression. As long as we open our ears for others as well.   
It's okay to not be understood and it's okay not to understand 100%. 

The truest form of understanding is – in my opinion – trust.   
We marvel at the sight of two figures, who apparently know each other so well, they don't HAVE to communicate to understand each other.   
The truth is, that's not even the case. That's not what their relationship IS on the fundamental level. 

The truth is, those people look at each other and decide to trust that the other person believes in the decision they make. And if they don't, they will confide in each other and discuss the topic.   
It's knowing, that the other person can be uncertain, maybe lacks knowledge, and be understanding of THAT.   
It's the conviction, that the other person is willing to forgive your mistakes, and be there for you to figure things out. It's knowing you can tell each other everything, without fearing to be judged or manipulated. It's knowing that you don't owe each other an explanation or information on things you're not comfortable with. It's knowing that the other person is understanding of that and therefore deserving of the knowledge. You can tell them, because you don't have to.

This isn't a trait reserved for the ultimate lovers couple.   
Quite the contrary. 

This is a trait most often found in friendships. This is why friendships are often longer lasting than romantic or sexual relationships.   
And this is, why people underestimate the worth and depth of friendships.   
Because they don't think friendships can be this intense. 

But they are more likely to end up at this level of trust and understanding, because the people involved know that they don't owe each other anything.   
It's the awareness that friends are not a right you have, but a privilege you are given. Sometimes, it's a privilege you have earned. 

In the minds of many partners in romantic and/or sexual relationships, they think they owe each other things. Stuff of the more intimate nature or time or gifts.   
And it's moments like these, that redirects the attention of one half completely to themselves and not their partner. The relationship becomes one sided, or toxic.

Of course, there are friendships that have the same toxic problem hanging around somewhere, and sure, some relationships are especially deep and powerful as friendships can be.   
But if you think about it, a toxic friendship is often referred to as “they were never truly your friend” and the powercouple relationship is said to be “based on friendship” or has a “strong foundation”. Which tells you everything you need to know about the importance of friendships.   
“Bro's before hoes” has nothing to do with gardening. And we all know why that sentence exists. 

It's communication and trust and understanding and forgiving that makes a relationship of any nature functioning.   
It's not, contrary to popular believe, knowing everything about each other.   
It's being willing to find out, without being judgmental or prying that makes a friendship or relationship strong and last for a long time. 

Merlin and Arthur never really needed to talk to each other, to be able to trust in their destiny.   
Arthur never needed to know about the magic, to know how Merlin thinks and how he works.   
And Merlin never needed to know Arthur was royal, to believe in the king he would eventually become.   
And it is that, what the book meant and what Arthur and Merlin had found out about their friendship during the past 50 years. 

“You are blind to each other”, meant, they didn't see each other as powerful beings as everyone else did. It meant, they saw who they were at their heart and that was all that mattered.   
Arthur never knew half of what Merlin went through, and yet he trusted him.   
Even when he found out more and more over the years, that only strengthened that trust.   
It was different the other way around. 

Merlin knew close to everything about Arthur, but there was one fundamental he had never been certain of, until the day Arthur found out about his magic. And that's what sealed their friendship.

The way they acted, now, after training together for so long, after spending years and adventures together, that would take years to narrate, was silent.   
They had always been able to communicate without words, but that never stopped them from insulting each other or doing other childish things with their words. 

But after all this time, Arthur didn't even look, as Merlin disappeared in the distance of the sky. He nodded at Gaius and headed, quite disorientated in the almost forgotten outline of the castle, towards the throne room. 

When he addressed his men, his knights, with a stern expression and a certain plan in mind, everyone straightened their backs. 

Hope filled their hearts, as Arthur asked them to sit down at the round table.   
He looked at each one of them and addressed them by name, as if to remind himself of the young faces he hadn't seen in half a century. 

Not that they knew that.   
Because you see, Gaius and the knights lacked years of knowledge. That didn't mean, they didn't know their king.   
It also didn't mean, that they wouldn't trust his judgment.   
When Arthur rose his voice, he was certain and unwavering in his demands. 

“We will defend the citadel.   
We won't ride to Camlann. We will defeat Morgana's army from here.”  
They stared at him in shock. None of them really knew what to say. Only ten minutes ago, Arthur had insisted that they would fight at Camlann, because they couldn't afford Camelot's citizens to fall to Morgana's men. 

“Sire?”, Leon was the first to speak up, but Arthur shushed him with the wave of a hand. 

“We will fight here. I cannot risk destiny to get in our way. We have to concentrate on the fight.”, he nodded certainly, only half aware that none of them knew what he was talking about.   
Then again, Arthur had spend the major part of the past fifty years staring at shadows, before learning what light to see them in, only to be faced with giant bears or wolves or sock puppets or giant talking birds.   
He was used to the chaos and fantasy of Merlin's mind. 

To return to the strict order within Camelot's borders felt almost surreal. 

“Destiny, Sire?”, Leon hesitated to ask.

Arthur sighed. “Merlin would kill me himself, if I went to Camlann now.”, Arthur grabbed his sword tighter.   
Excalibur. He closed his eyes for a moment. Relishing in the feeling of his old familiar sword. He had missed it more than he had known.   
There was a presence, an aura lingering over the blade that he had never noticed before. But that now felt like second skin.   
It felt just like the magic realm had felt. Safe. 

How he hadn't noticed sooner, he didn't know. The feeling of magic was not new to him in this world. But he was now able to recognize it.   
And he felt stupid for never noticing such heavy senses earlier in his life.   
Now that he did, they felt almost distant and faint in comparison to Merlin's world. And yet strong and unwavering. 

“I don't think the citadel can hold Morgana's magic! And if, then not for long!”, Gwen said, irritated. Irritated, because Arthur had changed his mind seemingly in seconds. And such a drastic change too.   
The plan before had seemed brilliant. It seemed safe for his people. Safe for Camelot. He had been certain and insisting then as well.  
Now everyone agreed and he still turned on the idea?

“Gwen.”, Arthur smiled at her. Glad and relieved to see her. But also feeling strange, because of how young she was.   
He had not seen himself in a mirror yet. Maybe he would remember, that he was technically younger than her. But love was not a matter right now.   
They had to focus on the war.   
“Camlann is a risk we cannot take. We have to counter Morgana's magic. I want you to get the people of this kingdom to safety. Let them into the citadel and then guard it. 

Merlin and I will take care of Morgana and her men.”

Silence washed over them. Jaws dropped in utter disbelieve. For a moment, Arthur wondered what he had said to saunter such a heavy reaction.   
Until he realized that 50 years ago, he himself had been unaware of Merlin's powers. And though he'd faced many adventures with only Merlin at his side.... to do so deliberately with such a huge threat ahead, now seemed kind of strange.   
Especially since this was Morgana they were talking about. There was nothing secret about their plan. 

He shook his head at his own stupidity.   
“Sorry, that came out strangely. Merlin will use magic to protect us.”, Arthur explained without bravado. 

And then frowned, as he realized that that wasn't any better.   
He looked down and realized that the laws on magic still had to be revised. Right..... how could he have forgotten about that after consecutively using magic for so long?

He ran a hand over his own face, wondering for a brief moment where his beard had gone. 

“Sire, is everything alright.... you don't really.... you seem very calm.”, Leon commented and Arthur noticed how worried Gwen seemed as well.   
He opened his mouth to answer, when a bird knocked on the window. 

Yellow eyes looked at them. Curiously, the knights and Gwen and Gaius followed Arthur's gaze to look at a falcon hammering it's beak against the glass. 

Before anyone could ask a question, his eyes blinked golden and the window opened by itself. 

Shocked, Leon and a few others grabbed for their swords, realizing that this bird had just used magic to get in.  
Was this one of Morgana's men? Or possibly herself in person? Disguised as a bird?

Arthur could only shake his head. Only an idiot would use a disguise like that and then destroy it by using magic in plain sight.  
Well..... this was Merlin they were talking about. 

But the bird crowed out and in a matter of seconds, brown feathers turned leathery and wide. A jacket, an old one at that appeared in it's stead. The shoulders of the falcon morphed into those of a man who had grown into the position he now held.   
His skin and hands rough from polishing armor and weapons, his hair dishelved from the wind, but his eyes old and wise. Even older now, than they had been when their journey started. 

Merlin turned into his true self in front of them without hesitation or fear.  
Seriously, what was he supposed to be afraid of? Or rather.... Merlin had accepted his fear as a part of himself and now knew how to use it for himself.   
Merlin stood there, eyes certain and dutiful, as he approached his king with wide steps.   
He came to a halt only a step before Arthur. 

The knights were conflicted. Their hands on their weapons had not shifted. But they stared at Merlin with wide eyes. Uncertain, if to attack or step away.   
A look to Arthur however gave them their answer.   
Because Arthur was completely unfazed. 

Then, Merlin opened his mouth. “Morgana is on the march. She thinks we'll be at Camlann to face her. Which means, someone betrayed us.” His hands were behind his back and Arthur nodded seriously. 

“Where did you get your information? You've come back early.”

“A fairy told me.”

“Ah.”, Arthur nodded once more as if that was a totally logical explanation.   
“The barrier?”

“Build and ready to go, Sire.”, Merlin smirked. Arthur put a hand to his shoulder. “Good. Get your staff. We have a witch to kill.”  
Merlin nodded and twirled his hand. It glowed golden for a second, before the quarterstaff appeared that Arthur had made for him. It grew from lighting, but became solid in a matter of seconds. He twirled it in his hand and let the glow wash over the room. Illuminating them in a blueish hue. 

“Leon, ready our horses.”

The knights who had kept watching with open mouths and impossible to decipher questions on their minds, shifted at the sudden tone in which Arthur commanded one of them. 

“Yes, … yes of course.”, Leon muttered, his eyes still wide with shock. 

\----------------------------------------

“Arthur, what's going on.... what are you -”, Gwen had rushed after Arthur.   
But Arthur couldn't really look at her. There was too much at stake, too much to explain to bask in the relieve of seeing her again and sort out the emotional conflict he had about missing her and also being 50 years older than her. (8)

“Merlin was using magic just know... he.... he's....”, she paused, as she realized how calm Arthur still was.   
“You knew.”, she said, her shoulders slumping. 

“It's a long story.”, Arthur admitted and graced her face with a free hand. 

“When did you find out?”, she asked, her eyes searching for something. She stepped back eventually, realizing that something in Arthur's eyes was different than it had been the last time they talked. 

“Roughly ten minutes ago.”, Arthur said and nodded at her confused frown. “Feels much longer.”, Arthur grinned, before he turned around. 

“Merlin and I have to take care of this. Don't worry. We'll be fine.”  
Gwen only watched, as Arthur gestured Merlin to follow him. With strong strides, much firmer and more decided than Arthur had ever been, they walked out the door.   
The knights and council members a devastatingly frustrated mess. 

\------------------------------------------

“You said, you can't use magic anymore.”, Merlin said, as they stood before the golden barrier that surrounded Camelot.   
They sat on top of two mares that weren't easily startled. Battle horses, they were used to war.   
What a sad thought that was. 

“I can't.”, Arthur nodded. “But I can feel it. Morgana has been informed of our change of plans. I can feel her approaching. I think Mordred is there with her.”, he said and closed his eyes for a moment.   
Right. Mordred.

“Do you think you can still fight?”, Merlin asked, a worried frown on his face.   
“I have Excalibur. And I'm a trained warrior.” In this world, as much as in Merlin's mind. 

“That's true. Are you sure there is no magic at all that will listen to your command?”, Merlin asked, still worried about the upcoming fight.   
After all.... it was destined to be their last. Or rather.... Merlin hoped so. 

“I have you.”, Arthur grinned and nudged him in the shoulder. “Mr. Emrys.”

Merlin rolled his eyes. “Then command away, Sire.”  
“Send Aithusa away. And then kill Mordred. I will take care of Morgana.”

“Are you sure? You don't have an army.”  
“I'll be fine.”

And with that, they clicked their tongues and the mares began to move. 

\-----------------------------------

A battle or rather.... a war is usually held between two parties of equal power. At least a fair one. There would be two giant armies facing and killing each other.   
In this case, it was different. 

The army they faced was huge. And they were only two men.   
And yet Arthur smirked at this. This wasn't the first war he fought without sending his men into battle.   
And he still knew that their chances were far from slim. 

Arthur felt the magic of the earth prodding at him. Nudging him forward. It had noticed the change in his heart and filled him with confidence.   
He would last much longer than any of his enemies. 

They didn't wait for the army to notice them as a threat. They charged right ahead into the masses that was heading in Camelot's direction. 

When Arthur swung his sword, he could feel the wind blowing with it, as if guiding his every strike. He could feel the nature around him responding to him, in a way that benefited him and hindered his enemies. 

All while Merlin took out man after man with a blast of his magic. The sky was slowly turning darker and more gray and foreboding as Merlin send blasts of lighting at their enemies. 

For a great proportion of the army, the realization of the sudden attack came too late.   
But eventually, they could hear the cry of a massive dragon being send their way.   
“Can you sense Morgana and Mordred?”, Merlin shouted over the battle cries around them.   
Vines of grass grabbed for the men, tangling them up and causing them to stumble over their own feet.   
Was that Merlin? Or was that the earth protecting Arthur?  
Arthur wasn't sure he cared. 

“She's at the center. Mordred is with her.”  
“Good.”, Merlin shouted back again and then roared into the sky.   
Aithusa, a deformed dragon, had been heading towards them, and towards the battle cries. It must be easy to spot them.   
As Merlin made sure their enemies couldn't enter a certain radius around them and Arthur fought their way ahead. 

Arthur smirked as he saw the dragon.   
There had been no dragon's in Merlin's mind. At least none he would need dragonlord powers for to defeat them with.  
This was new, even to Arthur. But he was fascinated by it. And more proud than he could ever dare admit. 

The dragon cried again, this time in agony, as they realized they couldn't disobey their lord's orders. 

The army around them grew nervous. The dragon had turned on them.   
It was then that Arthur realized he had forgotten something. 

Eyes wide and blinking almost amused, he looked down on himself. And realized..... he had forgotten to put on his armor.   
He almost laughed, as he grabbed his head with a free hand.   
Wow. How on earth did he just forget that?

Then again, in Merlin's mind any form of protection was about as necessary as mosquito's in the bedroom. 

Still..... he went to war.... and forgot his chain mail and armor.   
He went 50 years without it. It was reasonable that he forgot. Still.... it was unbelievable.   
Like a surreal dream you wouldn't find reasonable upon waking up.   
Still.... he just.... FORGOT. 

And Merlin, the overprotective idiot hadn't noticed it either.   
So, Arthur stood there, in black pants and leather boots and a white shirt of all things, still clean, as if the wind didn't dare send the blood drops of their enemies his way. 

Arthur shook his head, and once more, gestured Merlin to charge ahead. 

He could feel Morgana coming closer. 

\-------------------------------------------------

The last thing Morgana expected, was to be faced with Arthur and Merlin riding side by side into her army.   
Well... maybe the riding in part was not the most surreal part of it.   
No.   
It was the fact that Merlin was wielding a quarterstaff and sending lightning bolt after lightning bolt at her army.   
It was the fact that Merlin was using magic and Arthur didn't seem to care.   
It was the fact that Merlin just ordered the dragon to leave and Aithusa obeyed. 

It was the fact that Arthur wasn't even wearing armor. 

Was this just a joke to them? How had they even made it here? Where were the knights of Camelot?  
Why on earth, were those two completely alone?  
And how in the name of the triple goddess, did they make it this far?

The answer came, as she instinctively raised her arm at her brother and found herself choking on air.   
Her magic was not responding. Her eyes grew wide. What on earth? No! This was impossible.   
She directed her magic at one of her men, send him flying against a rock. It worked. No problem.   
But when she tried again at Arthur, everything was blocked.   
The nature around him didn't respond to her. Her magic didn't react against him. And her own lungs refused to work for her death foreboding words against him. 

So, Morgana did what she had to do. She grabbed a sword from one of the men Merlin had send flying back and crossed it with Arthur's.   
Sword against sword. It was her only chance. 

Merlin however, was faced with Mordred, who had his own sword raised against him.   
Arthur could sense the magic radiating from that sword. It was like Excalibur. It was like his own.   
Yet, Merlin, who had perfected his own fighting style with the quarterstaff in the magic realm, crossed his staff with him. 

And the true battle finally began. 

Though.... one must say..... Mordred was shocked.   
After all, the last thing he had seen in Camelot was Merlin hiding his magic from Arthur and Arthur ordering Kara to die. 

Mordred had decided than and there, that the prophecy around Arthur had been for naught. He had decided, there was not a chance in the world that Arthur's heart would open up for magic and yet here they were.   
Mordred could feel it. How the magic around them responded to Arthur. Protected him.   
And how Arthur fought with his new found ally, as if he had always been aware of it. 

Mordred didn't put up much of a fight. Not even against Emrys, who had hated him for so long.   
What had changed between them?  
Surely there was something that did. 

It didn't take long for Merlin to disarm him. Quarterstaff raised above him, Mordred could only stare as the most powerful warlock this world had ever known, glared down at him.   
He was as powerful as they said.   
Even more than that.   
“Surrender, Mordred.”, Merlin growled at him. As if that was all he needed to say. 

Mordred looked around, as he watched Morgana fight with Arthur. She wasn't using magic. Mordred could sense why. The magic was turning against her.   
Magic used to be neutral. Somehow it had turned in Arthur's favor. Morgana was unable to defend herself with it.   
So she fought him with a sword. 

Normally, she would have the best chances to defeat him. But Arthur was fast in his unarmored state. Arthur's strides with the sword were fast and heavy and almost impossible to block.   
And Morgana didn't have as much practice as he did.   
Instead, she was tired from the long march. And her nightmares which had returned after she paid her bracelet for an assassination attempt on Arthur a long time ago. 

She was mad with anger. And fear and the realization that the magic wasn't just blocked from her, it had turned against her. 

Because Arthur was now on magic's side.   
The prophecy, Mordred realized, was about to come true. And he himself was on the wrong side of things.   
“I surrender.”, he said and bowed his head, hoping for Merlin's mercy.   
But as loyal and determined Merlin was to get rid of the druid boy, he couldn't help but wait for Arthur's decision.   
So he made sure none of Morgana's men could aid her now. 

Morgana grew weaker. She parried blow after blow. But then her hand slipped, and Arthur used the opportunity to stab her with his sword.   
She stared at him, eyes wide, her lungs grasping for breath. But the inhale of air widened the wound that was slowly growing were her heart was supposed to be. 

“I'm a high priestess of the old religion.”, she hissed at Arthur.   
“No mortal blade can kill me.”  
Arthur stared at her in disbelieve. He shook his head. “We're all immortal until the day we die.”, he whispered back and twisted the sword. 

Morgana gasped, uncertain what he meant, but feeling her own insides burn from magic. She realized too late, what Arthur was implying.   
What this meant.   
She fell to her knees, as Arthur pulled out the sword. 

“I don't know if she ever went to the magic realm.”, Arthur muttered to himself.   
“But if she did, she did it wrong.”

Then, he turned to Merlin and Mordred.   
Mordred, who was now unarmed and powerless and willing to surrender. 

The army had stopped fighting. They stared at Arthur and Merlin not just in shock and fear, but also in the realization that this fight was finally over.   
Over.... before it had even begun. 

“Mordred.”, Arthur sad and sensed how the magic around the boy was starting to get conflicted.   
“You are hereby banished from Camelot upon punishment of death.   
Leave now. And never return.”, he said strictly and decided. 

Arthur was older than he looked and this plan had been stuck in his mind for a long long time. 

Mordred scrambled to his feet. Conflicted. Scared beyond believe, because Arthur could kill him any second. Relieved, because he was able to leave.   
Grieving because Morgana was dead and also, because he was not allowed to take part in the future he had suffered so much for.   
“Thank you, Sire.”, he said with tears in his eyes and bowed to him. 

\----------------------------------------------

“That was.... easy.”, Arthur said, as Merlin and him slowly rode back to Camelot.   
“I know.”, Merlin muttered and tried not to disturb the comfortable silence. 

Not that Arthur cared much for it.   
“I just wish....”, Arthur wanted to say something along the lines of “if you had told me sooner...”, but he closed his mouth. Knowing Merlin already blamed himself for it.   
There were so many possibilities how their life could have turned out.   
And yet.... it turned out like this.   
They will probably never know how different it could have been. 

“So do I.”, Merlin knew what he meant.

Then, Arthur clicked his tongue once more and he rode faster ahead. He could hear Merlin follow him, close on his heels, as he always did. 

When they finally saw Camelot again, dawn was already upon them.   
Arthur felt exhausted. And hungry. On top of the gates of the citadel, he could see some of his knights waiting with raised arrows and bows. 

But as they saw Arthur, they were all ushered to let them in. 

“Sire...”, Leon exclaimed and greeted them at the gate.   
“About Morgana...”

“The war is over, Leon. Morgana is dead. Mordred is gone. The army has surrendered. Camelot is safe.”

Leon opened his mouth in disbelieve. He looked from Arthur to Merlin and then back.   
“Sire?”, he asked, face completely pale.   
Naturally, he couldn't believe it.   
They had waited here in anticipation. Thinking this would be their certain death. And now their king returned to tell them that it was just.... over?  
Done? And dealt with?

“You heard me. Now. I believe you have questions. Merlin, call Geoffrey. It's time we change the laws on magic.”

And as he walked passed the gates, passed his flabbergasted knights, Merlin turned into a falcon once more to reach the royal library faster that resided at the highest tower Camelot had to offer and the ground beneath Arthur sprouted leafs and grass and moss. And here and there, golden flowers sprouted from within. 

THE END

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (8) I should have thought more about the time skip. Damn it.

**Author's Note:**

> (1) This is no actual language, I made that up.


End file.
